The Missing Elements in Failed Fitness

No, it isn't something you can buy in a store.  You can't order it for this one-time low price of just 3 easy payments of $19.99.  And you will never find it by burying your head in information. It doesn't take skill, knowledge, or the best program ever written to be successful in getting healthy. With two very basic things, two elements that take absolutely ZERO skill or knowledge, you can have success:

Effort - a vigorous or determined attempt

Responsibility - the state or fact of being accountable or to blame for something

Some people will want to argue about this. I've seen claims that success isn't possible without the perfect diet, the perfect plan, without more hours in the day. They'll scream they need "motivation" and beg for others to hold them "accountable", but neither of these get it done. They can have all of the motivation and outside accountability they want, but if they can scapegoat their lack or progress on something, anything but themselves really, or decide it isn't worth the effort, they will still fail.

I have a deep rooted disdain for the "motivation" excuse. Some people want rainbows and unicorn farts, other people want boots to asses. We all have to do things we don't want to do, and we do them on the daily. There's no "rah-rah" squad for these times in life, but we seem to get things done anyway. Another reason I don't like "motivation" as a factor is a simple question, "How many hobbies have you picked up and quit when they became hard and required effort?" You take on a hobby because you're motivated, it's fun, and typically, very easy to start. And then it gets monotonous, progress slows, and it takes more time and effort...and you lose interest. Motivation is fleeting and only lasts until the next big "I want" comes up or you have to make a choice between something you want now or something you want for the long run. I personally love hearing "I'm motivated to lose weight, but I can't convince myself to go to the gym, take time to meal prep, or give up drinking heavily on weekends." Well, if you're motivated, then clearly, there's another problem. Motivation (and relying on others to motivate you) is what you do when you don't really want the goal. When we first take on fitness, the initial challenge can be fun and exciting. If we chose it, we're motivated and begin to do the things we need. The goal itself is the motivation. When it's no longer new, fun or interesting, when progress isn't what we hoped, or when we can't live our old enjoyable lifestyle, we will magically find reasons to not do it anymore. We will self-sabotage and claim we need "accountability" to keep us on track.

The problem with accountability, just like motivation, is that it takes away our power. We act as if we are no longer in control of our own thoughts, decisions, and actions while placing the blame somewhere else. We are willingly saying "I cannot make decisions and take action in my own life", placing others in positions of responsibility for us. What does accountability mean when you're an adult? Who are you accountable to? How is that person going to hold you accountable? Are they going to message you non-stop? Are they going to beat you with a stick? Are they going to shower you with empty and meaningless "motivation"? Are they going to move in with you and physically force you to do it? It's very hard to be held accountable when, as a free human, there is nothing they can do to you. Stop looking to somebody else to keep you accountable and stop using the excuse that you just weren't being held accountable. The only person to fault for your failures is the person with the power over you.

You are accountable to you. Accountability is in your picture frames and in your mirror. If you don't want to do it for yourself and for the people you love most, then it isn't important enough. This is called responsibility. When life gets hectic and when life events start to close in on you, responsibility is what keeps you on track. Yes, there are some events in life that take precedence over getting to the gym and eating clean meals every day, but to completely neglect our health for an extended period of time is inexcusable. Responsibility is what keeps us training when we don't want to, keeps us eating right when the ice cream is calling our name, and convinces us to stay up a little later or wake up a little earlier just to make sure it gets done. Responsibility doesn't look for, or accept, any excuses. It's the voice that screams "get it done." We form our sense of responsibility over time, from the moment our families give us tasks, we are learning to be responsible. Unfortunately, some didn't develop responsibility while they were children and they have to learn it later, when it is much harder. They have grown accustomed to things just coming to them or somebody doing it for them. Without learning responsibility, they will continue to look everywhere and to everybody else instead of to the person in control and just getting it done.

Along with responsibility, it takes effort. The amount of effort you apply is dictated by you and only you. A coach can put the weights on your back, cheer like a madman, and have all the faith in the world, but if you decide it's too much, you won't do it. A coach can provide perfect nutrition guidance and all the motivational tools, but you still have to apply the effort and follow-through. Making an effort to look for excuses is a waste. It takes a conscious effort to be successful and eat on plan, get training sessions in, take 7 minutes and crank out a bodyweight session when you can't make it. It is an effort to get up and get things accomplished, but only you are responsible for the amount of effort you put into being healthy. You choose what you do and when to do it. You can't choose the results from the effort you didn't put into it. Like most aspects of life, we don't have to be 100% to get a good result, but we can't expect 100% results with 50% effort.

As a coach, the hardest client to deal with is the one that doesn't give 100%. If the client isn't giving 100%, a coach can't make adjustments. The coach won't know what isn't working if the work plan and work isn't done first. Sometimes you are busting your ass, doing it right, and it still isn't working. This doesn't mean give up. It doesn't mean search for a quick fix. The positive part of this kind of failure is you gave 100% and if your coach is any good, they will be able to make adjustments to hopefully get things moving. As a coach, this "failure" now becomes mines and not yours. If you aren't working with a coach, it's time to change things up. Change the program, modify the diet, but make one change at a time. I always suggest one change because a) it's easier to change one thing than ten and b) if you change more than one thing, you don't know which change caused your progress. If you haven't been following a proven program based around a philosophy, choose something that matches your goal and (and this is the key) is something you actually want to do. It doesn't matter what program you choose; if you don't want to do it, if it isn't a program that seems "fun", and if it doesn't match your goal, you won't do it. The same thing goes for nutrition. If you're a junk food fiend, trying to go Paleo will result in miserable failure, so search for a philosophy that you can be happy with.

How Bad Is Your Goal?

A Quick Problem with the New Year's Resolution and Goal Setting

So here we are, about to enter the New Year, where you decide this is your year and you delude yourself into believing you're really going to pull it off; you're going to reach your goal this year because this is your year. If your resolution resembles the failed goals of years gone by, NEWSFLASH, this one will fail too. And the worst part will be all the anger and frustration you have because chances are, your goals are results driven.

If what you want to accomplish is actually important to you, you're not going to delay until some special day where miraculously, everything you set out to accomplish will come true. What makes you think that waiting for January 1st will instantly make something you couldn't accomplish the other 364 days of the year doable? Whether you set out to do it on January 1st or on July 17th, the day you start is DAY 1. You have to, in the words of Clint Darden, "go all in or quit." Make no mistake, I want you to succeed. I want you to achieve your goals and I want you to be healthy.

But it won't be easy. It won't be fast. You're going to have days where you want to quit. You're going to have days where "it's just a donut." crosses your mind. I could tell you it's all about goal setting, stick-to-it-iveness, and the power of unicorn farts. I've written about why we fail to achieve goals (Find Your Why) and spoiler alert; it isn't because it's a bad goal or a bad plan. Instead of just regurgitating the same old speech about goals, motivation, dedication (because we've heard it all before, right?), I'm going to break down goal setting my way and then tell you how to make it work. Hope isn't the answer.

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When I was writing the December Newsletter (If you haven't subscribed, please do. It takes a second and we will never spam you.) I came across a quote that inspired a whole new thought process about goal setting. Sure, you've heard about SMART goals and tried your hand at goal setting to have failed. You're not alone. We all set goals that we don't achieve. It isn't unique to fail. It's not unique to move beyond some goals. It's a fact of life; you're going to choose a goal you really want at the time, you're going to bust your ass trying to achieve said goal, and you're going to fail, sometimes through no fault of your own. What happens when we fail to meet our goal, that is up to us. We can get upset, create an excuse or belittle ourselves, and we can give up in frustration, unhappy. And then I read the quote:

"Happy people plan actions, they don't plan results."

- Denis Waitley

Go ahead, read it again, maybe even a third time. Let it sink in. We plan goals and for the most part, we plan results, results that we have damn near no control over. And when we don't meet the result, we are unhappy.

While Waitley doesn't directly mention goal setting, I believe he is referring to how we choose goals and how we go about achieving them. Since 1981, SMART goals have been the way to go. We spent time studying and writing SMART goals in my Sports Counseling classes. The more we worked with them, the less adequate they became. Here’s why: take 30 seconds and reflect on a goal you had this year. Was it a good goal by the framework? Now, was the goal a process or a result? Did you have control over all the aspects of your goal or just a few pieces?

I had a goal to finish the home renovation by September; here it is, almost Christmas, and it isn't done.

By the SMART framework, I chose a good goal.

Specific - Finish Renovating three rooms

Measurable - Completed the walls, flooring, and carpets

Attainable - There were a full 8 weeks, so there's definitely enough time

Realistic - Again, it's been done before, so it's possible

Time - 8 weeks, done by September

It had all the planning, the intentions, and a specific time-frame, but that doesn't make it a good goal on more than paper.  There were some glaring flaws in this goal:

1. It's an old house, nothing is going to be square, level, or easy to modify
2. I am not an army of construction workers
3. I am not a contractor and my contractor is volunteering his expertise when he has time
4. Weather

Right there, I have four reasons my goal was poorly chosen. I was frustrated and unhappy because my goal was a result that I had 20% control over instead of a plan to accomplish what I did have control of. Had I chosen a goal that passed the PACE test I'd have been better off.

Back to you.  How often have you picked a goal that you can't 100% control, 100% define, 100% act upon, and could change as life dictates?  How often do you allow it to stress you out, to discourage you, ruin your positive energy, and make you unhappy?  Are you about to do it again? Maybe it's time to forgo the standard goal setting, move beyond SMART goals and give PACE goals a try.

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What are PACE Goals?

Looking back at Denis Waitley's quote we can make two observations which we'll use in defining PACE:

1. Planning your action steps will lead to happiness
2. Planning results will not

First and foremost, set a REAL goal, not a bullshit, lip-service goal that's so vague even you don't know what it really means. This goal should be about Actions, not results. Further, choose a goal around something that you can actually control. Finally, make the goal one that can evolve with you. If you're going to take the time to make a goal, make sure it passes the PACE test.

A goal that passes the PACE test is clearly defined and places all the success or failure clearly on your shoulders.

PACE stands for:

Process

Action

Controllable

Evolving

We begin with Process. If we listen to Waitley, we are happier when we plan actions, not results. Is your goal a process or a result? We all have ideal results, but a results goal without a process is worthless. In a similar manner, you could do everything right with a results goal and not achieve the desired result. This is the primary reason I believe goals should focus be based on completing a PROCESS. When you choose a process goal, the goal will pass the "what does that mean?" and "what do I have to do?" tests.

--We'll start with a standard goal, "I'm going to lose 20 lbs." This is a result, so we need to answer "what do I have to do?". The process could be "I'm going to eat better and be more active." (what does that mean and what do I have to do?) We redefine the process as "participate in activities that will help me lose weight." Again, what does that mean and what do I have to do? "I have to be intentionally active more than 4 hours per week and reduce my intake of sweets to only 1 serving per week." Aha! A clear process!

Next comes Action. Your goal must require conscious action on your part. This is where we should spend the most time evaluating if our goal is good. Plan the steps to accomplish the result you want and know the action steps you need to take. If our goal does not require conscious action on our part, it will most likely fail the next qualifier in PACE. 

--Action goals for our example are something like "I will train after work on Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Friday" and "I will eat my sweets only on Saturday night."

Controllable is as obvious as it sounds. Do I have control of the process and actions? Again, it's about actions, not results. You can't control results like winning a contest, losing weight, or being healthier any more than you can control which way the wind blows. You can, however, plan and control the actions you take, which if done to the best of your ability, hopefully produce the desired result. Again, it is your goal and you are responsible, therefore it needs to be something you can control.

--"I will train with weights for 45 minutes on M, T, Th, Fr and I will not keep tempting food in my house so I will have to go out to get it on Saturday."

Lastly, any good goal should be Evolving. We need to be willing to re-evaluate and change our goal. Sometimes life cooperates and allows us to complete our action goals. Other times, life dictates a change. Either way, we need to be flexible with our goal. As we achieve, our goal should grow; as we realize certain aspects are unachievable in our time frame, we should modify. Notice I'm not saying give up. Forgoing a goal is a last resort and something only you will know when it is time to call in.  Some times this means allowing more or reducing the number of servings of sweets.

--"I have not been able to train as much as I like. I will train as much as I can and allow myself a serving of sweets only after I have trained 4 days for 45 minutes."

While I moved away from losing 20 lbs as the focus of the goal, the likely result of completing my PACE goals will be better health and weight loss. By creating an action goal that I can control and will evolve as needed, I have a better chance at success and a happy journey.

As we embark on our new journey, consider Waitley's advice with a little bit of hard earned wisdom.  Set your sights high and challenge yourself. Test your goal against the PACE framework. Ask yourself if you are in control of all the pieces that lead to your goal.  If you don't have 100% control, you can still have that goal, but be aware and accepting that you can give your 100% and still not receive the result you are looking for.  Most importantly, execute the planned action and be proud of the accomplishments along the way. 

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The quick list for goal setting:

-What does your goal really mean? Why do you want to do it?  You have to keep asking why until you have a single, solitary reason that can't be defined as anything other than your "purpose."

-Where does your goal rank in your life?  Is it essential or non-essential?  If you aren't willing to give up something you love, you'll be willing to give up on your goal unless you can give it enough weight.  Finding the right reason is paramount.  It needs to be a deep seated reason too, not something like "just because."  If your goal isn't in your top 5, you'll probably say fuck it at some point when it gets tough or it drags on.  Just an observation. Sometimes this means only having 1 or 2 goals at a time.

-Stop telling EVERYBODY.  Tell a few people that matter, the people that give your goal weight, the ones that can check you back on track.

Think of your goals like a car

The car is the complete package

The engine is the motivation, the reason you want to accomplish the goal.   Big engine, higher motivation.  Little engine and your car doesn't mow the grass.

The wheels are the things that keep you grounded when you get carried away.  Cheap tires you slide off the road, you blowout at trouble.

The gas is the effort you put into accomplishing the goal.  Shit in, shit out, etc.

The brakes are there to stop you from going out of control

The steering is to keep you on target

Now PACE.

Process

Actionable

Controllable

Evolving

Control Your Mind

If you don't control what you think, you can't control what you do.
--Napoleon Hill

Training is as much a mental endeavor as a physical one. I'm not talking about the habit of training and the discipline of doing your best each session. I'm talking about handling the self-doubt, the little voices, and all the fears that come with getting better. Whether you're training to be a powerlifter, an elite level competitive athlete, a weekend warrior, or just the better-than-average Joe or Jane, getting your mind in-line, or more accurately, out of the way is critical. No lifter is unique; no runner excused. We all have voices and self-doubt.

As a beginner, we've all pushed ourselves and thought we reached the edge because we allow our mind to say so. We thought we would pass out if we did any more. If you haven't run so hard you see stars or ground out a rep that you thought could kill you, you are either a freak in the training world or you've got more in the tank. We all have to find ways to control the voice that stops us from pushing harder and tells us to quit long before the muscle does. We have to quiet our minds if we want to push our limits. How we do it may be unique, but doing it is crucial to becoming our best.

Some people will work themselves into a frenzy with music. Others will sniff some nose tork, get slapped a few times and yell. And then there are some that go to a calm, quiet place, and visualize the machine doing exactly what it needs to do. The one thing all these people have in common is they have found a way to control the voice that tells them "you can't" or "it's too much"; the one that causes fear and makes you back down. They've found a way to ignore the discomfort that comes with pushing the limits and make the movement automatic. They're determined to make progress, and when it's time, they get out of their own way.

I used to think I knew what it really meant to push myself. I thought I knew how to silence the voices, but that can only come with experience. I was fortunate enough to train with some tremendously strong and extremely knowledgeable people. They taught me a lot of cues and techniques and how to get out of my own way. They also pushed me to the point where I continued to work far beyond my self-doubt. To make a long story short, I thought I had reached the top weight for my working sets and was ready to do my back down sets. Instead of dropping weight, my training partner had me put more on. It didn't matter that I had doubts I could do the set; it didn't matter that I thought I was done; it only mattered that somebody with more experience was teaching me a free lesson. The lesson that "I've got more." I did the set despite feeling like I could collapse at any time with the doubts and fears. At some point in that set, there was no more voice; no more "I can't" or "I'm too tired" or "I might get hurt"; it was just silent. That was when I learned the power of a quiet mind and that I had much, much more. After that day, and with a lot practice, I've been able to reach that state with great frequency.

We all have that little voice, that self-doubt, the momentary "oh shit" where we question ourselves. It's the one that makes us give up on a grinder, slow our pace when we're running, or not even attempt a weight. It's the voice of our comfort zone holding us back. It's the voice of fear stopping us from progress. If you really want to get better, than you'll find a way that makes it happen for you. For me, I go through a 6 step process to clear my mind, calm the voices, and take a step towards progress.

1. Acknowledge the Fear - There was a company called "No Fear" a few years back. It isn't that you can't have fear, but that you learn to control it. No matter how good the technique, how good the spotters are, how far you've run, or how strong you are, injury is possible. Everybody has fears, acknowledge them and move on.
2. Deep Breaths - I take 3 to 5 full calming breaths before I even approach the bar. It's the same when I go run 5 miles. It slows my heart and as I focus on my breath, my mind starts to clear.
3. Visualize - The mind is powerful. Visualize a failed lift and it's bound to come true; visualize success and you are more likely to find it. See the technique, from addressing the lift all the way through completion. Allow your body to feel the rhythm.
4. Go - As soon as you finish it in your head, get set under the bar with the same positive view, take those deep breaths, brace, and go.
5. Stay Blank - Keep the mind free. Don't think about the weight or the number of reps, just do them. Keep pushing and finish.
6. Be Proud - Yes, this is important. You just did something that you might not have done if you listened to the voice, so be proud that you not only did the deed but that you controlled the voice.

Work hard, be present in the moment and remember, "you've got more."

Practice Discipline Every Day

"Success is nothing more than a few simple disciplines, practiced every day" - Jim Rohn

There are a lot of articles about how to choose a good trainer but few on how to be a good client. I understand that not everybody reading this email is a former or current client of a trainer, but if you're planning on becoming a client or are a client, this could help you out. There are two basic roles, the trainer and the client, which we all know. In many ways, the trainer is held responsible for the success and failure of their clients. Whether it is choosing the wrong type of programming, the wrong nutrition, or just being a bad match, the trainer is most often the one to take the blame. At the same time, when things go alright, the trainer takes some credit. Nothing new here so far, right?

 

Here's the twist, we all want you to be successful. Surviving in the fitness industry is done by marketing a successful product, so no trainer wants to see you fail. A failure for you means bad publicity for us. Sometimes things don't work out and the trainer doesn't get you where you want to be. Sometimes they make a bad choice. Sometimes they are "too busy" for their own good and neglect you. Sometimes is has absolutely nothing to do with them.

 

Like I said, we want you to be successful and here are 5 simple things you can do to get the most out of your trainer:

1. Communicate! I've had clients tell me they feel like they're bothering me. Nonsense! It's my job, so send me that text, e-mail, or posted message when you have a question. I'd rather you ask so I can plan and advise you then you guess and sabotage yourself.
2. Be Honest! Not just with me, but with yourself. Our relationship and your success depends on it. Now that you're communicating, make it count so I can adjust to give you the best I can.
3. Give your Best Effort! This is pretty self-explanatory. If you give your best effort, you get the best results you can get.
4. Follow the Plan! Unless your trainer is flying by the seat of their pants or has no progression laid out to reach your goals, improvising or including things they don't know could not just hinder progress, it might stop is altogether. Wanting to participate in your plan is great (and goes with Rule No. 1), but questioning and redesigning every single step is not.
5. The other 23 Hours Count! I get 1 hour to help you get better. You have 23 more hours to rest, recover, eat, and take care of yourself. Use them wisely.

If you're doing these 5 things, you can honestly say you've given your trainer what they need to help you be successful. Now it's time for them to uphold their end.

Are You Confident or Just Convincing Yourself You Are?

Confidence - A feeling of self-assurance arising from one's appreciation of one's own abilities or qualities

There is a thin line between displaying false confidence to cover insecurities and demonstrating confidence. More often than not, if it is loud and boisterous it is because of the former. Confidence will get you through challenging situations; false confidence can help you tackle new challenges or it might put you in an even worse predicament. Progress comes from a delicate balance of faked and real confidence. Unless you don't have any social media, you were bound to see the Ronda Rousey / Bethe Correia meme with Correia screaming in the face of Rousey at weigh-ins. As many pointed out, "Confidence is silent. Insecurities are loud." Rousey was confident in her abilities and proceeded to finish the "fight" in 34 seconds.

As an athlete and a coach, I have witnessed confidence in action and the false confidence train wreck. I've been on both sides as a player and as a coach. Now as a Personal Trainer, I see it on a daily basis. It's easy to fall into the trap; it's all over Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Tumblr, and other social networks with a fitness twist. There's a verbal diarrhea of words, Ronnie Coleman and CT Fletcher sayings, and Fitspo meant to pump you up. If you have no idea what I'm talking about, it won't be hard to find examples. You're going to go "Beastmode" on the meal prep, "HAM" on the squats, be a "monster" on the bench, and train like an "animal." While things are going well or you're just training to get better, these sayings may be great, keeping you going and pushing you to focus even harder on your journey. And there is nothing wrong with using a little talk to create motivation. However, when you rely on the false confidence and never back it up with accomplishment and experience, disaster is only a stumble away.

Some of you that use these terms and sayings think I'm just being melodramatic or "hating" on you, but let me run you through a scenario I see on Fitocracy at least three times each week.
You're new to training and eating healthy and you're pumped! You want to emulate all the people that have inspired you, so you buy all the Tupperware, the scale, gym bag, wraps, straps, belt, and sleeves and you're ready to go. You start with the talk, the tagging because that's what you're surrounded by. The "confidence" grows bigger just by talking, but it hasn't even been a week. You start the program and you're on point for the first week or two, maybe even a month. And then, you get punched in the mouth by something, whether it's a "cheat weekend", a holiday, or your first injury. As Mike Tyson said, "Everybody has a plan until they get punched in the mouth." Now you're reeling, you don't know what to do because you've never been knocked down on this journey and all that "confidence" you built by talking big is shaken. You're embarrassed because you look bad. All the big talk and the pumping up is now spiraling the other way. You're caught in the flood of negativity and harsh self-judgment and you don't know if you can get back on the horse.

The only thing that could help is falling back on your experience overcoming obstacles, but do you really have the experience to fall on? Have you done this long enough to recover from this challenge? What happens if you don't have the experience behind the boasts? What if you are a beginner? What if it was all hot air?

You can fall back on your friends and the community support to re-inflate your confidence. You can watch some inspirational videos and stare at some fitspo to help you forget the failure. You can attempt to pump yourself back up with those same terms that let you down before. You have a few options, but in the end, it all comes back to you and your mental toughness. Whether you are a beginner or you have some experience, you need to earn your confidence through more experience. If you always rely on the confidence you haven't earned, it will let you down. Just like if you get it stuck in your mind that you will fail, you are bound to fail. You need to have a foundation and balance.

Because of my experience always being the smallest person in my lifting group, I spent a lot of time watching, learning, and listening. The experience developed some basic tenets that have helped me continue to make progress even after reality pointed out I wasn't an "animal" going "beastmode."

1. Be confident, but be humble. Much like the true alpha, a truly confident person does not need to have loud talk; they're actions will speak volumes.
2. If you use false confidence to build yourself up, be sure to back it up so you can turn the experience into real confidence. It might not be today or tomorrow, but it has to happen.
3. Acknowledge your successes and failures and then build off of them. See failure as an opportunity to have a new success. See success as a stepping stone to greater success.
4. Know your strengths and weaknesses and be wise enough to ask for help when you are having a moment of weakness.
5. Be realistic about your progress and your next step. Getting cocky can lead to bad choices and more setbacks. Don't mistake luck for accomplishment.

It's easy to get caught in the moment and want to join in with the crowd, emulating what we see everywhere, but none of us wants to be the 34-second knockout. We're all bound to trip up and get smacked in the face by a reality punch every now and then. How we prepare for the punch and how we react after can be the difference between success and failure. If you work hard, stay humbly confident, and replace your false confidence with the confidence earned through experience you can be successful in changing your life.