The Missing Elements in Failed Fitness

No, it isn't something you can buy in a store.  You can't order it for this one-time low price of just 3 easy payments of $19.99.  And you will never find it by burying your head in information. It doesn't take skill, knowledge, or the best program ever written to be successful in getting healthy. With two very basic things, two elements that take absolutely ZERO skill or knowledge, you can have success:

Effort - a vigorous or determined attempt

Responsibility - the state or fact of being accountable or to blame for something

Some people will want to argue about this. I've seen claims that success isn't possible without the perfect diet, the perfect plan, without more hours in the day. They'll scream they need "motivation" and beg for others to hold them "accountable", but neither of these get it done. They can have all of the motivation and outside accountability they want, but if they can scapegoat their lack or progress on something, anything but themselves really, or decide it isn't worth the effort, they will still fail.

I have a deep rooted disdain for the "motivation" excuse. Some people want rainbows and unicorn farts, other people want boots to asses. We all have to do things we don't want to do, and we do them on the daily. There's no "rah-rah" squad for these times in life, but we seem to get things done anyway. Another reason I don't like "motivation" as a factor is a simple question, "How many hobbies have you picked up and quit when they became hard and required effort?" You take on a hobby because you're motivated, it's fun, and typically, very easy to start. And then it gets monotonous, progress slows, and it takes more time and effort...and you lose interest. Motivation is fleeting and only lasts until the next big "I want" comes up or you have to make a choice between something you want now or something you want for the long run. I personally love hearing "I'm motivated to lose weight, but I can't convince myself to go to the gym, take time to meal prep, or give up drinking heavily on weekends." Well, if you're motivated, then clearly, there's another problem. Motivation (and relying on others to motivate you) is what you do when you don't really want the goal. When we first take on fitness, the initial challenge can be fun and exciting. If we chose it, we're motivated and begin to do the things we need. The goal itself is the motivation. When it's no longer new, fun or interesting, when progress isn't what we hoped, or when we can't live our old enjoyable lifestyle, we will magically find reasons to not do it anymore. We will self-sabotage and claim we need "accountability" to keep us on track.

The problem with accountability, just like motivation, is that it takes away our power. We act as if we are no longer in control of our own thoughts, decisions, and actions while placing the blame somewhere else. We are willingly saying "I cannot make decisions and take action in my own life", placing others in positions of responsibility for us. What does accountability mean when you're an adult? Who are you accountable to? How is that person going to hold you accountable? Are they going to message you non-stop? Are they going to beat you with a stick? Are they going to shower you with empty and meaningless "motivation"? Are they going to move in with you and physically force you to do it? It's very hard to be held accountable when, as a free human, there is nothing they can do to you. Stop looking to somebody else to keep you accountable and stop using the excuse that you just weren't being held accountable. The only person to fault for your failures is the person with the power over you.

You are accountable to you. Accountability is in your picture frames and in your mirror. If you don't want to do it for yourself and for the people you love most, then it isn't important enough. This is called responsibility. When life gets hectic and when life events start to close in on you, responsibility is what keeps you on track. Yes, there are some events in life that take precedence over getting to the gym and eating clean meals every day, but to completely neglect our health for an extended period of time is inexcusable. Responsibility is what keeps us training when we don't want to, keeps us eating right when the ice cream is calling our name, and convinces us to stay up a little later or wake up a little earlier just to make sure it gets done. Responsibility doesn't look for, or accept, any excuses. It's the voice that screams "get it done." We form our sense of responsibility over time, from the moment our families give us tasks, we are learning to be responsible. Unfortunately, some didn't develop responsibility while they were children and they have to learn it later, when it is much harder. They have grown accustomed to things just coming to them or somebody doing it for them. Without learning responsibility, they will continue to look everywhere and to everybody else instead of to the person in control and just getting it done.

Along with responsibility, it takes effort. The amount of effort you apply is dictated by you and only you. A coach can put the weights on your back, cheer like a madman, and have all the faith in the world, but if you decide it's too much, you won't do it. A coach can provide perfect nutrition guidance and all the motivational tools, but you still have to apply the effort and follow-through. Making an effort to look for excuses is a waste. It takes a conscious effort to be successful and eat on plan, get training sessions in, take 7 minutes and crank out a bodyweight session when you can't make it. It is an effort to get up and get things accomplished, but only you are responsible for the amount of effort you put into being healthy. You choose what you do and when to do it. You can't choose the results from the effort you didn't put into it. Like most aspects of life, we don't have to be 100% to get a good result, but we can't expect 100% results with 50% effort.

As a coach, the hardest client to deal with is the one that doesn't give 100%. If the client isn't giving 100%, a coach can't make adjustments. The coach won't know what isn't working if the work plan and work isn't done first. Sometimes you are busting your ass, doing it right, and it still isn't working. This doesn't mean give up. It doesn't mean search for a quick fix. The positive part of this kind of failure is you gave 100% and if your coach is any good, they will be able to make adjustments to hopefully get things moving. As a coach, this "failure" now becomes mines and not yours. If you aren't working with a coach, it's time to change things up. Change the program, modify the diet, but make one change at a time. I always suggest one change because a) it's easier to change one thing than ten and b) if you change more than one thing, you don't know which change caused your progress. If you haven't been following a proven program based around a philosophy, choose something that matches your goal and (and this is the key) is something you actually want to do. It doesn't matter what program you choose; if you don't want to do it, if it isn't a program that seems "fun", and if it doesn't match your goal, you won't do it. The same thing goes for nutrition. If you're a junk food fiend, trying to go Paleo will result in miserable failure, so search for a philosophy that you can be happy with.

Find Your Why

This thought occurs to me everytime I watch somebody give up on their health and fitness goal. I know what it feels like to want something and then give up because you feel like you'll never make it. It seems like such a simple concept; find a goal, make a plan, work hard. Sadly, it's never that easy and so many people walk away after a short time. Is it because the goal was bad? Maybe it wasn't the right time? I know what you're thinking...this is about goals and goal setting for success, right? WRONG!. Everybody writes about goal setting and how it is essential to success. They write that goals should be small and incremental. Goals should be in arenas we can control. We all know that. After years of experience with making and missing goals I've found that goals are only a small part of the answer. Sure, I believe goals are good and are an essential part of the process, but no matter how carefully selected the goal and detailed the plan of action, a person will fail to achieve without one crucial piece. The bigger part to success, the part that keeps us going towards our goal is the WHY. I've written goals before, SMART goals and they got me nowhere, not because they were bad goals or the steps were wrong, but because the motivation was lacking. I can tell you the goal, the steps I took, and some excuse for why I failed, but that doesn't help get to the real issue. The real issue is what my failures taught me so I can help you find success. Right before someone gives up on a health goal, you can see it. They look depressed. They're asking for help. They can't seem to find motivation, won't train, and stray off their nutrition plan more frequently. I want to shake that person before they quit, to let them know if they just hold on and do a quick re-evaluation it can save them years of wondering "what if?" I want to tell them to train with me, to just take a chance, for two months, with me, and find out what they can really do. Sometimes it's something simple that you don't see when you're on the inside. The difference between most successes and failures in my experience has been finding the right reason to chase the goal through the good times and the bad. Most people I have worked with have their goal in mind. The statement of goal tends to be easy to come by; some goals are outrageous, some are realistic, and some are so small it is near impossible to fail, but they are goals nonetheless. However, when I ask the client why they want to accomplish the goal, it's a lot harder to get a real answer. I've heard a lot of reasons why they think they want to do it, but when the answer is shallow or the body language says something different, I understand why they're close to quitting. The hardest thing to do is find that reason why, but once you have that reason, it is never so hard to motivate yourself again. You can think I'm off base, but I've coached college athletes for nine years. Nine years of hearing "because I'm good at it" or "I love the game" or "I want to be great" and other variations of what they think their parents or I want to hear and very little reason to go through the battles and long days when they just don't want to do it. I've seen so many "great high school athletes" wash out after a challenge to their ego or a threat to their "free time." The crazy thing is, there's little difference between the college athlete and somebody chasing a fitness goal. For the health and fitness individual, it may be even tougher to find motivation; they face challenges without immediate feedback, challenges the ego, and disruption to the comfortable complacency they've been living in. When things are the hardest, that's when you need to have that why in your back pocket. Everybody has a WHY and for you, there is a why in there too. Sometimes it takes a little quiet reflection and a little soul searching, sometimes it takes an outsider to bounce ideas off of, but, once you remove all the bs and really think about why you want to accomplish the goal, you'll have the reason to push harder, fight the challenges, and a little extra kick to get it done... and if you don't, let me know, because I'm here and I want to see people succeed. Til next time... breath deep, squeeze tight, and keep fighting.