Are You Confident or Just Convincing Yourself You Are?

Confidence - A feeling of self-assurance arising from one's appreciation of one's own abilities or qualities

There is a thin line between displaying false confidence to cover insecurities and demonstrating confidence. More often than not, if it is loud and boisterous it is because of the former. Confidence will get you through challenging situations; false confidence can help you tackle new challenges or it might put you in an even worse predicament. Progress comes from a delicate balance of faked and real confidence. Unless you don't have any social media, you were bound to see the Ronda Rousey / Bethe Correia meme with Correia screaming in the face of Rousey at weigh-ins. As many pointed out, "Confidence is silent. Insecurities are loud." Rousey was confident in her abilities and proceeded to finish the "fight" in 34 seconds.

As an athlete and a coach, I have witnessed confidence in action and the false confidence train wreck. I've been on both sides as a player and as a coach. Now as a Personal Trainer, I see it on a daily basis. It's easy to fall into the trap; it's all over Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Tumblr, and other social networks with a fitness twist. There's a verbal diarrhea of words, Ronnie Coleman and CT Fletcher sayings, and Fitspo meant to pump you up. If you have no idea what I'm talking about, it won't be hard to find examples. You're going to go "Beastmode" on the meal prep, "HAM" on the squats, be a "monster" on the bench, and train like an "animal." While things are going well or you're just training to get better, these sayings may be great, keeping you going and pushing you to focus even harder on your journey. And there is nothing wrong with using a little talk to create motivation. However, when you rely on the false confidence and never back it up with accomplishment and experience, disaster is only a stumble away.

Some of you that use these terms and sayings think I'm just being melodramatic or "hating" on you, but let me run you through a scenario I see on Fitocracy at least three times each week.
You're new to training and eating healthy and you're pumped! You want to emulate all the people that have inspired you, so you buy all the Tupperware, the scale, gym bag, wraps, straps, belt, and sleeves and you're ready to go. You start with the talk, the tagging because that's what you're surrounded by. The "confidence" grows bigger just by talking, but it hasn't even been a week. You start the program and you're on point for the first week or two, maybe even a month. And then, you get punched in the mouth by something, whether it's a "cheat weekend", a holiday, or your first injury. As Mike Tyson said, "Everybody has a plan until they get punched in the mouth." Now you're reeling, you don't know what to do because you've never been knocked down on this journey and all that "confidence" you built by talking big is shaken. You're embarrassed because you look bad. All the big talk and the pumping up is now spiraling the other way. You're caught in the flood of negativity and harsh self-judgment and you don't know if you can get back on the horse.

The only thing that could help is falling back on your experience overcoming obstacles, but do you really have the experience to fall on? Have you done this long enough to recover from this challenge? What happens if you don't have the experience behind the boasts? What if you are a beginner? What if it was all hot air?

You can fall back on your friends and the community support to re-inflate your confidence. You can watch some inspirational videos and stare at some fitspo to help you forget the failure. You can attempt to pump yourself back up with those same terms that let you down before. You have a few options, but in the end, it all comes back to you and your mental toughness. Whether you are a beginner or you have some experience, you need to earn your confidence through more experience. If you always rely on the confidence you haven't earned, it will let you down. Just like if you get it stuck in your mind that you will fail, you are bound to fail. You need to have a foundation and balance.

Because of my experience always being the smallest person in my lifting group, I spent a lot of time watching, learning, and listening. The experience developed some basic tenets that have helped me continue to make progress even after reality pointed out I wasn't an "animal" going "beastmode."

1. Be confident, but be humble. Much like the true alpha, a truly confident person does not need to have loud talk; they're actions will speak volumes.
2. If you use false confidence to build yourself up, be sure to back it up so you can turn the experience into real confidence. It might not be today or tomorrow, but it has to happen.
3. Acknowledge your successes and failures and then build off of them. See failure as an opportunity to have a new success. See success as a stepping stone to greater success.
4. Know your strengths and weaknesses and be wise enough to ask for help when you are having a moment of weakness.
5. Be realistic about your progress and your next step. Getting cocky can lead to bad choices and more setbacks. Don't mistake luck for accomplishment.

It's easy to get caught in the moment and want to join in with the crowd, emulating what we see everywhere, but none of us wants to be the 34-second knockout. We're all bound to trip up and get smacked in the face by a reality punch every now and then. How we prepare for the punch and how we react after can be the difference between success and failure. If you work hard, stay humbly confident, and replace your false confidence with the confidence earned through experience you can be successful in changing your life.