The Missing Elements in Failed Fitness

No, it isn't something you can buy in a store.  You can't order it for this one-time low price of just 3 easy payments of $19.99.  And you will never find it by burying your head in information. It doesn't take skill, knowledge, or the best program ever written to be successful in getting healthy. With two very basic things, two elements that take absolutely ZERO skill or knowledge, you can have success:

Effort - a vigorous or determined attempt

Responsibility - the state or fact of being accountable or to blame for something

Some people will want to argue about this. I've seen claims that success isn't possible without the perfect diet, the perfect plan, without more hours in the day. They'll scream they need "motivation" and beg for others to hold them "accountable", but neither of these get it done. They can have all of the motivation and outside accountability they want, but if they can scapegoat their lack or progress on something, anything but themselves really, or decide it isn't worth the effort, they will still fail.

I have a deep rooted disdain for the "motivation" excuse. Some people want rainbows and unicorn farts, other people want boots to asses. We all have to do things we don't want to do, and we do them on the daily. There's no "rah-rah" squad for these times in life, but we seem to get things done anyway. Another reason I don't like "motivation" as a factor is a simple question, "How many hobbies have you picked up and quit when they became hard and required effort?" You take on a hobby because you're motivated, it's fun, and typically, very easy to start. And then it gets monotonous, progress slows, and it takes more time and effort...and you lose interest. Motivation is fleeting and only lasts until the next big "I want" comes up or you have to make a choice between something you want now or something you want for the long run. I personally love hearing "I'm motivated to lose weight, but I can't convince myself to go to the gym, take time to meal prep, or give up drinking heavily on weekends." Well, if you're motivated, then clearly, there's another problem. Motivation (and relying on others to motivate you) is what you do when you don't really want the goal. When we first take on fitness, the initial challenge can be fun and exciting. If we chose it, we're motivated and begin to do the things we need. The goal itself is the motivation. When it's no longer new, fun or interesting, when progress isn't what we hoped, or when we can't live our old enjoyable lifestyle, we will magically find reasons to not do it anymore. We will self-sabotage and claim we need "accountability" to keep us on track.

The problem with accountability, just like motivation, is that it takes away our power. We act as if we are no longer in control of our own thoughts, decisions, and actions while placing the blame somewhere else. We are willingly saying "I cannot make decisions and take action in my own life", placing others in positions of responsibility for us. What does accountability mean when you're an adult? Who are you accountable to? How is that person going to hold you accountable? Are they going to message you non-stop? Are they going to beat you with a stick? Are they going to shower you with empty and meaningless "motivation"? Are they going to move in with you and physically force you to do it? It's very hard to be held accountable when, as a free human, there is nothing they can do to you. Stop looking to somebody else to keep you accountable and stop using the excuse that you just weren't being held accountable. The only person to fault for your failures is the person with the power over you.

You are accountable to you. Accountability is in your picture frames and in your mirror. If you don't want to do it for yourself and for the people you love most, then it isn't important enough. This is called responsibility. When life gets hectic and when life events start to close in on you, responsibility is what keeps you on track. Yes, there are some events in life that take precedence over getting to the gym and eating clean meals every day, but to completely neglect our health for an extended period of time is inexcusable. Responsibility is what keeps us training when we don't want to, keeps us eating right when the ice cream is calling our name, and convinces us to stay up a little later or wake up a little earlier just to make sure it gets done. Responsibility doesn't look for, or accept, any excuses. It's the voice that screams "get it done." We form our sense of responsibility over time, from the moment our families give us tasks, we are learning to be responsible. Unfortunately, some didn't develop responsibility while they were children and they have to learn it later, when it is much harder. They have grown accustomed to things just coming to them or somebody doing it for them. Without learning responsibility, they will continue to look everywhere and to everybody else instead of to the person in control and just getting it done.

Along with responsibility, it takes effort. The amount of effort you apply is dictated by you and only you. A coach can put the weights on your back, cheer like a madman, and have all the faith in the world, but if you decide it's too much, you won't do it. A coach can provide perfect nutrition guidance and all the motivational tools, but you still have to apply the effort and follow-through. Making an effort to look for excuses is a waste. It takes a conscious effort to be successful and eat on plan, get training sessions in, take 7 minutes and crank out a bodyweight session when you can't make it. It is an effort to get up and get things accomplished, but only you are responsible for the amount of effort you put into being healthy. You choose what you do and when to do it. You can't choose the results from the effort you didn't put into it. Like most aspects of life, we don't have to be 100% to get a good result, but we can't expect 100% results with 50% effort.

As a coach, the hardest client to deal with is the one that doesn't give 100%. If the client isn't giving 100%, a coach can't make adjustments. The coach won't know what isn't working if the work plan and work isn't done first. Sometimes you are busting your ass, doing it right, and it still isn't working. This doesn't mean give up. It doesn't mean search for a quick fix. The positive part of this kind of failure is you gave 100% and if your coach is any good, they will be able to make adjustments to hopefully get things moving. As a coach, this "failure" now becomes mines and not yours. If you aren't working with a coach, it's time to change things up. Change the program, modify the diet, but make one change at a time. I always suggest one change because a) it's easier to change one thing than ten and b) if you change more than one thing, you don't know which change caused your progress. If you haven't been following a proven program based around a philosophy, choose something that matches your goal and (and this is the key) is something you actually want to do. It doesn't matter what program you choose; if you don't want to do it, if it isn't a program that seems "fun", and if it doesn't match your goal, you won't do it. The same thing goes for nutrition. If you're a junk food fiend, trying to go Paleo will result in miserable failure, so search for a philosophy that you can be happy with.

Control Your Mind

If you don't control what you think, you can't control what you do.
--Napoleon Hill

Training is as much a mental endeavor as a physical one. I'm not talking about the habit of training and the discipline of doing your best each session. I'm talking about handling the self-doubt, the little voices, and all the fears that come with getting better. Whether you're training to be a powerlifter, an elite level competitive athlete, a weekend warrior, or just the better-than-average Joe or Jane, getting your mind in-line, or more accurately, out of the way is critical. No lifter is unique; no runner excused. We all have voices and self-doubt.

As a beginner, we've all pushed ourselves and thought we reached the edge because we allow our mind to say so. We thought we would pass out if we did any more. If you haven't run so hard you see stars or ground out a rep that you thought could kill you, you are either a freak in the training world or you've got more in the tank. We all have to find ways to control the voice that stops us from pushing harder and tells us to quit long before the muscle does. We have to quiet our minds if we want to push our limits. How we do it may be unique, but doing it is crucial to becoming our best.

Some people will work themselves into a frenzy with music. Others will sniff some nose tork, get slapped a few times and yell. And then there are some that go to a calm, quiet place, and visualize the machine doing exactly what it needs to do. The one thing all these people have in common is they have found a way to control the voice that tells them "you can't" or "it's too much"; the one that causes fear and makes you back down. They've found a way to ignore the discomfort that comes with pushing the limits and make the movement automatic. They're determined to make progress, and when it's time, they get out of their own way.

I used to think I knew what it really meant to push myself. I thought I knew how to silence the voices, but that can only come with experience. I was fortunate enough to train with some tremendously strong and extremely knowledgeable people. They taught me a lot of cues and techniques and how to get out of my own way. They also pushed me to the point where I continued to work far beyond my self-doubt. To make a long story short, I thought I had reached the top weight for my working sets and was ready to do my back down sets. Instead of dropping weight, my training partner had me put more on. It didn't matter that I had doubts I could do the set; it didn't matter that I thought I was done; it only mattered that somebody with more experience was teaching me a free lesson. The lesson that "I've got more." I did the set despite feeling like I could collapse at any time with the doubts and fears. At some point in that set, there was no more voice; no more "I can't" or "I'm too tired" or "I might get hurt"; it was just silent. That was when I learned the power of a quiet mind and that I had much, much more. After that day, and with a lot practice, I've been able to reach that state with great frequency.

We all have that little voice, that self-doubt, the momentary "oh shit" where we question ourselves. It's the one that makes us give up on a grinder, slow our pace when we're running, or not even attempt a weight. It's the voice of our comfort zone holding us back. It's the voice of fear stopping us from progress. If you really want to get better, than you'll find a way that makes it happen for you. For me, I go through a 6 step process to clear my mind, calm the voices, and take a step towards progress.

1. Acknowledge the Fear - There was a company called "No Fear" a few years back. It isn't that you can't have fear, but that you learn to control it. No matter how good the technique, how good the spotters are, how far you've run, or how strong you are, injury is possible. Everybody has fears, acknowledge them and move on.
2. Deep Breaths - I take 3 to 5 full calming breaths before I even approach the bar. It's the same when I go run 5 miles. It slows my heart and as I focus on my breath, my mind starts to clear.
3. Visualize - The mind is powerful. Visualize a failed lift and it's bound to come true; visualize success and you are more likely to find it. See the technique, from addressing the lift all the way through completion. Allow your body to feel the rhythm.
4. Go - As soon as you finish it in your head, get set under the bar with the same positive view, take those deep breaths, brace, and go.
5. Stay Blank - Keep the mind free. Don't think about the weight or the number of reps, just do them. Keep pushing and finish.
6. Be Proud - Yes, this is important. You just did something that you might not have done if you listened to the voice, so be proud that you not only did the deed but that you controlled the voice.

Work hard, be present in the moment and remember, "you've got more."

Handling Failure

We all have bad training or nutrition days. As Dan John said, "Of five workouts, one will be great, one will suck, and three will be right in the middle." How we react to them can be the difference between progress, standing still, or going backward. I've previously talked about confidence being part of the solution and false-confidence being part of the problem, but this goes beyond that. We can be well within our confidence range and have everything go wrong. Even the most confident of us can go into a little tailspin as a result. Today was that day for me and inspired me to write about the process I go through.

With my experience as an athlete and in training, I have seen my share of bad days, whether it's missed sessions, missed reps, or just flat out misses. I've had perfect plans, prepped to the plan, and still seen failure. There are really only a few paths that can be taken after a really bad day, and which ones your choose can make all the difference. It may seem like this only applies to training, but I can assure you, it also applies to nutrition and dieting. Think of the days or weekends where you take an unscheduled detour from your nutrition plan. It happens, even to the most diligent tracker; you go out to eat, there's a family gathering, you forgot your meals. You can ignore what happened, evaluate and continue, evaluate and adjust, let it get you down and blame everything, or let it get you down and quit. In any case, our suggestion will always be the same; don't beat yourself up over it and don't try to compensate without taking the time to think it through. We prefer that, just like training, you acknowledge and evaluate what happened.

Yes, you can completely ignore your failures and possibly have the same avoidable slip-up happen. Or, you can take a few seconds and evaluate what happened, why it happened and decide it's 100% OK. I'm not advocating perfection, but I am promoting self-awareness. Whether you want to be strict, choose to allow detours, or decide it's too much at the moment is up to you, but you have to be aware of what is happening and why before you can make a conscious decision.

• Ignore that it happened. Basically just shake it off, think nothing of it and continue. This is the same as putting on blinders where somebody else loads the bar for you; ignorance is bliss. Having that short-term memory loss is great when you're still in the training session or competition, but  that's it. If you are ignoring how a training session went, it's probably one of the reasons you're experiencing failures or stalling. In order to improve and not plateau or regress, it is important to have an understanding of why the day was bad and what caused it. This means taking off the blinders and being actively involved in improving. For me, this is an in-session only option, and even then, it is rare.
• Evaluate the plan and the failure. If my workout was less than great, I will end up here at some point. Sometimes it comes after the self-loathing, anger, and disappointment, but in the end I always come back to evaluating. Once I have the chance to relax and look at the plan, the failure, and the circumstances, I have one of two paths. 
• Decide it is viable and continue. This is where logs are great and can really help open your eyes to the progress. When something goes wrong, like the reps are slower than they should be or I barely miss a lift, I look at the events that led up to the training session. Did I sleep well? Did I not eat enough? Did I burn out a supporting muscle group the day before? Have I seen improvements in ANY part of my training? Will a deload help? If any of those is a yes, chances are, it isn't the plan and I continue on knowing that the plan will be a success.
• Decide it won't work and make adjustments. This is a hard one because you have to honestly know your capabilities and use them to evaluate the plan. Could you have made the weight, even on a near-perfect day? Are you going to have "better" days where you are more rested, prepared and can complete the training as written? Am I stalling in other places? Can a deload fix it? If the answer is "No" or "Probably not", then something needs to be adjusted. Constantly having failures in your training is draining, both mentally and physically, and will most likely lead to stalling or backsliding. There is no shame in admitting the time isn't right to run a program or the intensity is too great and needing to back it down. Sometimes the best progress comes from taking a step back so you can get momentum.
• Feel disheartened, blame yourself, the program, or the trainer. Every now and again, all the stress catches up and I end up here briefly. It's common to get frustrated when things are going well and then a bad failure happens. In this state, there are three paths.
• Acknowledge that this isn't helping and take a step back and return to evaluating instead of living in woe-is-me.
• Program / trainer hop. I see this most commonly with newer trainees. When you haven't experienced success following a failure, it is a huge challenge to overcome. You question the program, the trainer, and you might even believe the grass is greener. Even when you have had positive experiences, it can be a challenge to slow the thoughts down and rationally evaluate after an ego-crushing failure. This goes back to having confidence. The self-confidence to know it isn't the end of the world and that if you can just pull it together and take the deep breath, you'll be able to step back and return to evaluating. Sometimes the answer is change programs, but you won't know if you don't go back and evaluate.
• Quit. We're not even going here because this is not an option. At this point it doesn't matter who takes the blame, there can be no progress when you quit.

We all have less than perfect days and how we handle them will dictate our level of success. The only sure way to find success is to evaluate honestly and choose the right path. Many people turn to external motivation and communities to keep them going, but when the details are ignored, the result may be akin to banging your head on the same wall. Take a moment, acknowledge, evaluate, and decide...and get back to making progress.