For at least the last five years there have been very public and heated conversations about body image. The majority of the coverage has been related to physical traits, from skinny, through skinny-fat, to dad bod, and up to obese, but almost all focused on outward appearance. I'm sure you remember all of the blogs lighting up with posts about positive self-image and how people overcame their fears of judgment. Unfortunately, a lot of the conversations left out a group of people with demons caused by delusional self-image, and we're not talking about the positive kind of delusion.
I am talking about people with Body Dysmorphic Disorder. For those that don't know what BDD is, it is a mental disorder in which you can't stop thinking about one or more perceived defects or flaws in your appearance — a flaw that, to others, is either minor or not observable. The key is that the flaw exists in your mind and isn't a flaw that everybody will see. For some, it may be their nose or their ears. For lifters, it's typically a certain muscle group or the body in general. It is a driving force in how they train and eat and an endless source of frustration. For some, it could be a precursor to an eating disorder.
I want you to think of how many people you know that can't see their body the same way you see it; the ones that find flaws that nobody else sees. I'm not talking about the ones that fish for compliments or the ones that just look for attention. I'm talking about the ones that silently eat at themselves, never really letting anybody know what the voices say and the eyes see. Now take that feeling and have it happen every day, replaying it over and over where you find yourself drawn back to it so frequently that it may as well just be on repeat. Your hands are drawn to it, your eyes can't see passed it, and as soon as you see or feel it, you think about it all over again. I didn't always have this demon causing problems and it wasn't the result of other people pushing their views on me. For me, it came when I entered college and was no longer one of the best at anything.
As a child, I didn't know any better because I was a good athlete and nobody really cared how skinny or muscular you were. When I got to high school, I was a good athlete, but it was obvious that at 5'11" and 125 lbs, I was not the same size as other athletes that could now out muscle and outperform me even though I was competitive. Still, I didn't put that on being small or weak, but just not having the genetic luck. When I entered my freshman year of college, it hit me dead in the face. I was tiny for my height, unable to be competitive anymore and clearly overshadowed by the larger, more muscular students. I started lifting and trying to get bigger. I ate non-stop and trained 5-6 days a week. After a year of training and not stepping on the scale, I couldn't tell that anything changed other than my strength. When I did step on the scale it was a 60 lb gain, yet my eyes couldn't tell the difference between what I was and what I became. I began to notice lagging body parts even more and stuffed more food and more training hours. At 205 lbs, I knew I wasn't tiny, but I just saw more problems; small arms, skinny legs, no calves, bird chest. The list would go on and on. God forbid I stood next to somebody with any appreciable muscle mass or clothes that made them look stronger, even if they're 40 lbs lighter than me.
My battle is with eyes that show me I am small and weak, that I have no muscle, and a mind that tells me I will always be too small. Like many people that battle their own thoughts, some days are better than others, but a week doesn't go by where I don't sit and analyze my body, my arms, my legs, my chest, my abs, etc. These last few weeks have been especially tough on me. Because I am struggling in the gym, the voice has been getting increasingly louder. No matter how much I know it's just in my head, every training day makes me notice something. It hits me hard; it breaks me down just as much as training.
Every day I get to train is a great day and a terrible battle at the same time.
There are a lot of others out there that struggle the same way. Some will try to compensate by taking and posting pictures for approval, some will wear tight outfits designed to accentuate muscle, others will wear the baggiest clothes to hide what shames them, and some will grind away unable to beat the demon inside...and then there are the "outsiders" that take every supplement known to man hoping it will fix the problem.
I wish I had a solution, even a temporary cure to help others like me, but the mind can be harder to train than any muscle group. Some can work through it with enough positivity from their friends, some through self-affirmation, and some will just have to keep battling.
And before some asshole tries to tell anybody that suffers from BDD it's just in our head, no shit. Do you think we don't already know this? Don't you think this is part of what makes it so destructive? Don't trivialize somebody's body issues just because you can't see them! Don't trivialize anybody's issues by saying "it isn't that bad" or "it's in your head." All that does is make it worse. Before you go thinking that just because someone isn't super skinny or fat that they don't have body image issues, step back and consider the people that don't see the mirror the same way the world sees them. We all have our own battles.
Thursday, November 3, 2016
Wednesday, October 19, 2016
Finding My Starting Point
After posting "The Three Questions" I was met with another question and one that has quite frankly, taken me a long time to answer. How do you find your Point A based on the perceived or desired goal?
You'd think this is a simple question but it is quite challenging given my background in sports and around high-level competitive athletes. I've been fortunate to see some of the "best in the world" in various sports in person and as a result, my first instinct is to measure Point A without any consideration for the perceived Point B. It doesn't matter the Point B because Point A will always be Point A. As a trainer, it is much the same with an honest assessment coming before entertaining any training / weight loss goals.
So let me step back and look at this from the less experienced position.
First, let me address finding Point A, regardless of whether you have a Point B or not. Point A will always be Point A, no matter what Point B you pick. It isn't like the level you're at changes based on your Point B. Your Point A is where you are right now, for any skill, task, performance, etc. Point A can be hard enough to identify, but thinking it changes based on what Point B you choose it flawed. Frankly, we are living in a world where honestly assessing our own level is nearly impossible anymore. From the time we are kids, at the first sign of being anything but the best, parents intervene, switch leagues, sports, coaches, etc. They choose a place that allows us to feel better or seem better than we are, even in school, using watered down designations of "honors" or "advanced" to make us smarter. We've developed a skewed sense of ability by providing trophies to losers, awards for non-accomplishment, attaboys for ho-hum performance, and celebrations just for showing up. Hell, we hand out mints and pep-talks for misbehavior in school. We do it in the name of fairness, self-confidence, and feeling good about ourselves. We've attempted to suck the pain (and learning experiences) out of life and in the process muddled our ability to objectively assess our own level. Beyond competition, this disease permeates our social media, where truth tellers are deemed haters and naysayers. We're berated for being mean, cruel, and heartless. We're called negative because we won't lie to your face...or your screen, just to make you feel better. We express our opinion, sometimes bluntly, because it's better to leave no way to interpret than some of the sugar-coating that goes on. And when your self-esteem is punched in the face, we get blamed. (Funny thing, self-esteem. We always say it is crushed by others, but it is SELF-esteem and fully under our control, not OTHER-esteem.)
If you want to know where you really are, don't trust your "friends" unless they have a history of telling it how it is. Don't trust anybody that only gives you positive information because chances are, they can't give you an honest Point A. Don't trust people that haven't been around others that have accomplished what you want to do or researched what it takes to get there because they won't know Point B. As scary as it is to say, sometimes you have to trust that big mean anonymous internet or ask people that don't really know you. And don't just hear the answer, LISTEN to it, regardless of how mean it feels at the moment.
Sometimes what you're doing just sucks and blowing sunshine up your tail doesn't make you better, just more likely to fail. That doesn't mean give up; it means you may have to adjust your goals. Or you can be stubborn, try to prove everybody wrong, and gloat like hell when you pull it off... or swallow all your complaints when you don't.
Back to finding your own Point A - compare yourself against the people that are out there. Not just your family or friends, but the people on TV, the people on the internet, the people in your gym, etc. Yes, I am saying to compare yourself because if you don't compare yourself, how the hell can you know where you really stand? If you don't really want to know, then you probably aren't reading this in the first place. Not comparing yourself to others and expecting to honestly know where you are is like trying to cross an LA highway with your eyes closed.
Take bodybuilders, and I believe Paul Carter talked about this in one of his articles. The amateur looks in a mirror and believes he only has to lose about 10 pounds to be competitive when the reality is they don't have near the muscle mass, conditioning, or body composition as the person they are comparing to. In reality, instead of 10 pounds, it is more like 20-30 pounds, and even then, they won't look like a bodybuilder because they lack muscle and size now. This is the harsh reality of Point A.
Many of us see things we want to do or feats we want to accomplish every day and set our Point B without once considering where we are. We're hesitant to admit it may be out of reach because of where we really are, so we go after Point B. We put our energy into chasing Point B; we invest time and money, and we develop an attachment to it. The longer we pursue Point B, the harder it is to give it up. Instead of considering that our perceived Point A is what let us down, we blame everything else and look for "the secret." Because we know that Point B is possible for some people, we also believe it is for us, even when there are glaring differences between us and the people that accomplish Point B. It is in our nature not to accept our true Point A. And then we become belligerent and in denial when others point out our fallacious thinking.
If you're the one chasing a Point B, listen to those people that you trust, look to the people that have been there, and honestly evaluate yourself. It might not be what you want to hear, but chances are, it's what you need to hear.
If you're the one offering your opinion of somebody else's Point A, be honest, be direct, tell them where they are, and above all else, remember they are a person and not all people can handle blunt honest truth.
You'd think this is a simple question but it is quite challenging given my background in sports and around high-level competitive athletes. I've been fortunate to see some of the "best in the world" in various sports in person and as a result, my first instinct is to measure Point A without any consideration for the perceived Point B. It doesn't matter the Point B because Point A will always be Point A. As a trainer, it is much the same with an honest assessment coming before entertaining any training / weight loss goals.
So let me step back and look at this from the less experienced position.
First, let me address finding Point A, regardless of whether you have a Point B or not. Point A will always be Point A, no matter what Point B you pick. It isn't like the level you're at changes based on your Point B. Your Point A is where you are right now, for any skill, task, performance, etc. Point A can be hard enough to identify, but thinking it changes based on what Point B you choose it flawed. Frankly, we are living in a world where honestly assessing our own level is nearly impossible anymore. From the time we are kids, at the first sign of being anything but the best, parents intervene, switch leagues, sports, coaches, etc. They choose a place that allows us to feel better or seem better than we are, even in school, using watered down designations of "honors" or "advanced" to make us smarter. We've developed a skewed sense of ability by providing trophies to losers, awards for non-accomplishment, attaboys for ho-hum performance, and celebrations just for showing up. Hell, we hand out mints and pep-talks for misbehavior in school. We do it in the name of fairness, self-confidence, and feeling good about ourselves. We've attempted to suck the pain (and learning experiences) out of life and in the process muddled our ability to objectively assess our own level. Beyond competition, this disease permeates our social media, where truth tellers are deemed haters and naysayers. We're berated for being mean, cruel, and heartless. We're called negative because we won't lie to your face...or your screen, just to make you feel better. We express our opinion, sometimes bluntly, because it's better to leave no way to interpret than some of the sugar-coating that goes on. And when your self-esteem is punched in the face, we get blamed. (Funny thing, self-esteem. We always say it is crushed by others, but it is SELF-esteem and fully under our control, not OTHER-esteem.)
If you want to know where you really are, don't trust your "friends" unless they have a history of telling it how it is. Don't trust anybody that only gives you positive information because chances are, they can't give you an honest Point A. Don't trust people that haven't been around others that have accomplished what you want to do or researched what it takes to get there because they won't know Point B. As scary as it is to say, sometimes you have to trust that big mean anonymous internet or ask people that don't really know you. And don't just hear the answer, LISTEN to it, regardless of how mean it feels at the moment.
Sometimes what you're doing just sucks and blowing sunshine up your tail doesn't make you better, just more likely to fail. That doesn't mean give up; it means you may have to adjust your goals. Or you can be stubborn, try to prove everybody wrong, and gloat like hell when you pull it off... or swallow all your complaints when you don't.
Back to finding your own Point A - compare yourself against the people that are out there. Not just your family or friends, but the people on TV, the people on the internet, the people in your gym, etc. Yes, I am saying to compare yourself because if you don't compare yourself, how the hell can you know where you really stand? If you don't really want to know, then you probably aren't reading this in the first place. Not comparing yourself to others and expecting to honestly know where you are is like trying to cross an LA highway with your eyes closed.
Take bodybuilders, and I believe Paul Carter talked about this in one of his articles. The amateur looks in a mirror and believes he only has to lose about 10 pounds to be competitive when the reality is they don't have near the muscle mass, conditioning, or body composition as the person they are comparing to. In reality, instead of 10 pounds, it is more like 20-30 pounds, and even then, they won't look like a bodybuilder because they lack muscle and size now. This is the harsh reality of Point A.
Many of us see things we want to do or feats we want to accomplish every day and set our Point B without once considering where we are. We're hesitant to admit it may be out of reach because of where we really are, so we go after Point B. We put our energy into chasing Point B; we invest time and money, and we develop an attachment to it. The longer we pursue Point B, the harder it is to give it up. Instead of considering that our perceived Point A is what let us down, we blame everything else and look for "the secret." Because we know that Point B is possible for some people, we also believe it is for us, even when there are glaring differences between us and the people that accomplish Point B. It is in our nature not to accept our true Point A. And then we become belligerent and in denial when others point out our fallacious thinking.
If you're the one chasing a Point B, listen to those people that you trust, look to the people that have been there, and honestly evaluate yourself. It might not be what you want to hear, but chances are, it's what you need to hear.
If you're the one offering your opinion of somebody else's Point A, be honest, be direct, tell them where they are, and above all else, remember they are a person and not all people can handle blunt honest truth.
Wednesday, September 14, 2016
The Three Questions
In my normal search to find worthwhile articles, I came across one published on breakingmuscle.com by Sam MacIntosh titled "3 Things a Nutrition Coach Can't Do for You" which was an eye opener for some. The article came to the defense of nutrition coaches by placing some of the onus back on the client. While Sam's focus was on nutrition, it isn't a stretch to consider the article from a general training standpoint.
I thought the article was relevant to a lot of people on a social media site, so I posted it with a brief summation. Simply, Sam made these three points:
1. They can't give you purpose.
2. There is no perfect program.
3. They can't control your thoughts and demons.
The article, along with my three point summation led to a great discussion regarding realism, success, and the role of a good coach. Chris McClinch, who is a very wise man, brought up three more valid questions during the discussion that not only need to be considered but need to be honestly answered.
1. Do you truly understand where you are right now? (Point A)
2. Do you have a realistic goal in mind? (Point B)
3. Are you willing to sacrifice to get from point A to point B?
These are a killer three questions and ones that even I struggle with. These are also questions where the assistance of a good coach is invaluable. A good coach can help you understand where you are right now and help you choose a realistic goal. The coach will be able to explain the potential sacrifices and revisit the goal if need be. The questions all tie back to one another and cause ripple-like changes when we modify one point. While we all want to say we can answer them honestly, I have to ask, can you really? Experience tells me it's very hard, if not nearly impossible, to be 100% objective about yourself. Some of us are harder on ourselves, and others think too highly.
Where are you right now?
Let's be honest about this, many of us are surrounded by people that can't or won't tell us the whole truth. They are either ignorant when it comes to fitness or they just don't want to be seen as unsupportive and negative. I'm not just talking about our friends and family, but about our acquaintances, coworkers, and general passersby that we speak to. The general public can't define fit or healthy. Our "community" most likely doesn't know what the difference is between a good figure for an average person on the street and a competitor. They can't tell normal from strong. Unless somebody is also involved in fitness, they are probably giving you bad information. There are also the big fish in a small pond folks that only know their small world. Unless you purposefully surround yourself with people in the know, your community won't be of much help. Take any organized sport. At the community level, an athlete can be the best and will hear it from everybody. Move that same athlete to the regional level and they'll still hear they are good, but less frequently. Take one more step up to the national stage and they might not hear a single praise. Why does this matter to me?
If we don't truly know where we are right now, our Point A, it is hard to say if our goal, our Point B, is realistic for us. More than being a realistic goal, we won't be able to plan the right course of action because we are launching from the wrong point.
Do you have a realistic goal in mind?
Goals are something that can be one of the biggest aids in keeping us on track with fitness or one of the biggest hinderances. We want to pick a goal that challenges us; a goal that will make us work hard, but is achievable. And when we realize we aren't ready for that goal, we need to be willing to let it go to be revisited later. Each goal has sub-goals that define the path to success. Choosing a good, realistic goal is crucial.
Assuming we have an appropriate goal, there are two possible scenarios:
1. Our Point A is accurate
or
2. What we perceive to be Point A is nowhere near the truth
In the first scenario, since we have chosen a realistic Point B and we have an accurate Point A, we can develop the steps to go from A to B. This allows us to also determine what sacrifices must be made in the path to achievement.
In the second, and more common situation, we choose a Point B based on our perceived Point A. Unfortunately, since we aren't really on Point A, our goal may not be reachable. Think of it like getting directions without street names, if you give the wrong staring point, it doesn't matter how accurate the distance and turns are, you'll never get there. Since we have an incorrect path, we also don't know if the sacrifices we're willing to make are enough.
Are you willing to sacrifice to get from Point A to Point B?
I think this may be a more important question that having a realistic goal. There are no two ways to explain it, if you choose a goal, you will have to make some level of sacrifice along the way. Sacrifices can be any combination of diet, training, social, time, or financial. How much and how often you are willing to sacrifice can determine whether we can reach Point B.
Whether you knew your Point A or not, if you aren't willing to give all the sacrifices needed, Point B may be out of touch. If Point B requires extra hours you aren't willing to sacrifice, it's going to take a lot longer or it may be out. If it means restricting your diet and prepping meals and you aren't going to do it consistently, it's over. If giving up happy hour drinking isn't on the list, it's time to ring out. At this point, it's time to take what you're willing to sacrifice, and go back to choosing a Point B.
So the next time you sit down to map out some fitness goals (or if you're struggling to reach a goal you've already set), get out a pad and answer the three questions. Be honest about where you are, what you're willing to sacrifice, and choose a reasonable Point B. If you have 1 thing that doesn't line up 100%, consider a re-evaluation of your Point A and your Point B because if your positions don't work or you aren't willing to sacrifice enough, your chance of success is tremendously low.
I thought the article was relevant to a lot of people on a social media site, so I posted it with a brief summation. Simply, Sam made these three points:
1. They can't give you purpose.
2. There is no perfect program.
3. They can't control your thoughts and demons.
The article, along with my three point summation led to a great discussion regarding realism, success, and the role of a good coach. Chris McClinch, who is a very wise man, brought up three more valid questions during the discussion that not only need to be considered but need to be honestly answered.
1. Do you truly understand where you are right now? (Point A)
2. Do you have a realistic goal in mind? (Point B)
3. Are you willing to sacrifice to get from point A to point B?
These are a killer three questions and ones that even I struggle with. These are also questions where the assistance of a good coach is invaluable. A good coach can help you understand where you are right now and help you choose a realistic goal. The coach will be able to explain the potential sacrifices and revisit the goal if need be. The questions all tie back to one another and cause ripple-like changes when we modify one point. While we all want to say we can answer them honestly, I have to ask, can you really? Experience tells me it's very hard, if not nearly impossible, to be 100% objective about yourself. Some of us are harder on ourselves, and others think too highly.
Where are you right now?
Let's be honest about this, many of us are surrounded by people that can't or won't tell us the whole truth. They are either ignorant when it comes to fitness or they just don't want to be seen as unsupportive and negative. I'm not just talking about our friends and family, but about our acquaintances, coworkers, and general passersby that we speak to. The general public can't define fit or healthy. Our "community" most likely doesn't know what the difference is between a good figure for an average person on the street and a competitor. They can't tell normal from strong. Unless somebody is also involved in fitness, they are probably giving you bad information. There are also the big fish in a small pond folks that only know their small world. Unless you purposefully surround yourself with people in the know, your community won't be of much help. Take any organized sport. At the community level, an athlete can be the best and will hear it from everybody. Move that same athlete to the regional level and they'll still hear they are good, but less frequently. Take one more step up to the national stage and they might not hear a single praise. Why does this matter to me?
If we don't truly know where we are right now, our Point A, it is hard to say if our goal, our Point B, is realistic for us. More than being a realistic goal, we won't be able to plan the right course of action because we are launching from the wrong point.
Do you have a realistic goal in mind?
Goals are something that can be one of the biggest aids in keeping us on track with fitness or one of the biggest hinderances. We want to pick a goal that challenges us; a goal that will make us work hard, but is achievable. And when we realize we aren't ready for that goal, we need to be willing to let it go to be revisited later. Each goal has sub-goals that define the path to success. Choosing a good, realistic goal is crucial.
Assuming we have an appropriate goal, there are two possible scenarios:
1. Our Point A is accurate
or
2. What we perceive to be Point A is nowhere near the truth
In the first scenario, since we have chosen a realistic Point B and we have an accurate Point A, we can develop the steps to go from A to B. This allows us to also determine what sacrifices must be made in the path to achievement.
In the second, and more common situation, we choose a Point B based on our perceived Point A. Unfortunately, since we aren't really on Point A, our goal may not be reachable. Think of it like getting directions without street names, if you give the wrong staring point, it doesn't matter how accurate the distance and turns are, you'll never get there. Since we have an incorrect path, we also don't know if the sacrifices we're willing to make are enough.
Are you willing to sacrifice to get from Point A to Point B?
I think this may be a more important question that having a realistic goal. There are no two ways to explain it, if you choose a goal, you will have to make some level of sacrifice along the way. Sacrifices can be any combination of diet, training, social, time, or financial. How much and how often you are willing to sacrifice can determine whether we can reach Point B.
Whether you knew your Point A or not, if you aren't willing to give all the sacrifices needed, Point B may be out of touch. If Point B requires extra hours you aren't willing to sacrifice, it's going to take a lot longer or it may be out. If it means restricting your diet and prepping meals and you aren't going to do it consistently, it's over. If giving up happy hour drinking isn't on the list, it's time to ring out. At this point, it's time to take what you're willing to sacrifice, and go back to choosing a Point B.
So the next time you sit down to map out some fitness goals (or if you're struggling to reach a goal you've already set), get out a pad and answer the three questions. Be honest about where you are, what you're willing to sacrifice, and choose a reasonable Point B. If you have 1 thing that doesn't line up 100%, consider a re-evaluation of your Point A and your Point B because if your positions don't work or you aren't willing to sacrifice enough, your chance of success is tremendously low.
Wednesday, August 24, 2016
Want to get better at fitness? Train a dog.
My wife and I got our first dog earlier this year. She came to us with minimal training but is the biggest lover ever. Of course, she's a pitbull and stubborn as hell, so after a few months of trying to train her ourselves, we enlisted the help of a professional. You're probably reading this wondering how us getting a dog is even remotely related to fitness. I'm not sure how many of you have ever tried to train a dog, but there are a lot of similarities between training Josie and surviving in a fitness journey. I'm pretty sure if you're reading this you're either in the beginning or know someone that is in the beginning of their fitness journey and when you're done, hopefully, you'll see the link and learn a few things to make the journey better.
Dog trainer, Brandon McMillan, believes in teaching the dogs he works with 7 common commands and teaching them to do them extremely well. Without good control of the 7 commands, teaching any more complex commands will not be beneficial. While we have a goal to pass a rigorous canine exam at the end of the course, we don't advance or build on a command until Josie can do it correct most of the time. In a similar manner, one should develop proficiency in basic lifting technique. The basic movement patterns should be performed with proficiency before moving to more advanced movements. The basic patterns are: squat, hinge, horizontal push, horizontal pull, vertical push, and vertical pull. Additionally, one should be able to perform at least 10 minutes of uninterrupted steady state cardio. In my opinion, the lifts that work best are the front squat, rack deadlift, dumbbell bench, seated cable row, dumbbell overhead press, and parallel grip pulldown. Some will argue the cardio isn't necessary, but for heart health and to have an aerobic base to help build muscle and burn fat, cardio is necessary.
Lesson: become proficient at the basics before adding on or advancing the skill level.
With obedience training, the dog should be able to follow the basic commands: sit, stay, down, come, heel, off, and no. Right now, all of our energy should be focused on helping Josie learn those commands and execute them effectively. Spending time teaching her to rollover, play dead, or any other list of assorted tricks doesn't make her better at the commands she needs to be good at. Essentially, it is a waste of her time and ours. Now look at this in terms of training. If your goal is to get strong, lose weight, gain muscle, etc., the best use of your time is spent on the big, multijoint movements. Everybody likes the show muscles and wants to build them up, but focusing on them won't get the job done without a pre-existing base.
Lesson: focus on the big stuff, not the minutiae until you've gone as far as you can with it.
In our three sessions training Josie, it has been emphasized there are several mistakes we make in dog training. The biggest and easiest to avoid is have unclear expectations. A dog does not have a vocabulary or an education that allows it to interpret the words we are saying, they only know to associate a response with a word. When they receive a positive response, the action they performed following the word is correct. However, when we don't follow through or offer the reward for something that is "close enough", the dog can't be expected to get better. When we're working on our fitness, allowing our technique to get sloppy, being undisciplined and inconsistent will lead to shoddy results.
Lesson: set guidelines for your goal and hold yourself to those.
As a dog owner, it is also extremely important to have realistic expectations while going through training. We can't expect Josie to perform the commands perfectly after 1 day or 1 week, some commands may take more than 1 month, but with realistic expectations, we won't get frustrated. Frustration only serves to make the training process harder for both dog and owner. In fitness, having realistic expectations may be a challenge with all the embellished stories of exceptions to the rule making unbelievable progress may be a challenge, but it is a necessary element in success. Setting an unrealistic expectation, lose 30 lbs in a month when you have 50 total to lose or increase your bench by 50 lbs in 6 weeks are good examples for most people, only leads to frustration.
Lesson: dream big and set goals high, but know what is achievable and be realistic about achieving them.
As you can see, training a dog isn't much different than training yourself. One of the main lessons I have yet to mention comes in the intro to this; when you don't know what to do or how to do it, seek knowledgeable help. Nothing can be more frustrating and tougher to overcome than feeling helpless because you don't know where to start or what direction to go. Whether you pay a professional or have the assistance of a knowledgeable group, the experience can make all the difference between success and failure.
Lesson: seek the help of knowledgeable people.
Not all of us are fitness minded and sometimes the similarities we find in some of our other life activities (like training a dog) can help us get and stay on track to our goals.
Dog trainer, Brandon McMillan, believes in teaching the dogs he works with 7 common commands and teaching them to do them extremely well. Without good control of the 7 commands, teaching any more complex commands will not be beneficial. While we have a goal to pass a rigorous canine exam at the end of the course, we don't advance or build on a command until Josie can do it correct most of the time. In a similar manner, one should develop proficiency in basic lifting technique. The basic movement patterns should be performed with proficiency before moving to more advanced movements. The basic patterns are: squat, hinge, horizontal push, horizontal pull, vertical push, and vertical pull. Additionally, one should be able to perform at least 10 minutes of uninterrupted steady state cardio. In my opinion, the lifts that work best are the front squat, rack deadlift, dumbbell bench, seated cable row, dumbbell overhead press, and parallel grip pulldown. Some will argue the cardio isn't necessary, but for heart health and to have an aerobic base to help build muscle and burn fat, cardio is necessary.
Lesson: become proficient at the basics before adding on or advancing the skill level.
With obedience training, the dog should be able to follow the basic commands: sit, stay, down, come, heel, off, and no. Right now, all of our energy should be focused on helping Josie learn those commands and execute them effectively. Spending time teaching her to rollover, play dead, or any other list of assorted tricks doesn't make her better at the commands she needs to be good at. Essentially, it is a waste of her time and ours. Now look at this in terms of training. If your goal is to get strong, lose weight, gain muscle, etc., the best use of your time is spent on the big, multijoint movements. Everybody likes the show muscles and wants to build them up, but focusing on them won't get the job done without a pre-existing base.
Lesson: focus on the big stuff, not the minutiae until you've gone as far as you can with it.
In our three sessions training Josie, it has been emphasized there are several mistakes we make in dog training. The biggest and easiest to avoid is have unclear expectations. A dog does not have a vocabulary or an education that allows it to interpret the words we are saying, they only know to associate a response with a word. When they receive a positive response, the action they performed following the word is correct. However, when we don't follow through or offer the reward for something that is "close enough", the dog can't be expected to get better. When we're working on our fitness, allowing our technique to get sloppy, being undisciplined and inconsistent will lead to shoddy results.
Lesson: set guidelines for your goal and hold yourself to those.
As a dog owner, it is also extremely important to have realistic expectations while going through training. We can't expect Josie to perform the commands perfectly after 1 day or 1 week, some commands may take more than 1 month, but with realistic expectations, we won't get frustrated. Frustration only serves to make the training process harder for both dog and owner. In fitness, having realistic expectations may be a challenge with all the embellished stories of exceptions to the rule making unbelievable progress may be a challenge, but it is a necessary element in success. Setting an unrealistic expectation, lose 30 lbs in a month when you have 50 total to lose or increase your bench by 50 lbs in 6 weeks are good examples for most people, only leads to frustration.
Lesson: dream big and set goals high, but know what is achievable and be realistic about achieving them.
As you can see, training a dog isn't much different than training yourself. One of the main lessons I have yet to mention comes in the intro to this; when you don't know what to do or how to do it, seek knowledgeable help. Nothing can be more frustrating and tougher to overcome than feeling helpless because you don't know where to start or what direction to go. Whether you pay a professional or have the assistance of a knowledgeable group, the experience can make all the difference between success and failure.
Lesson: seek the help of knowledgeable people.
Not all of us are fitness minded and sometimes the similarities we find in some of our other life activities (like training a dog) can help us get and stay on track to our goals.
Tuesday, August 9, 2016
The Missing Elements in Failed Fitness
No, it isn't something you can buy in a store. You can't order it for this one-time low price of just 3 easy payments of $19.99. And you will never find it by burying your head in information. It doesn't take skill, knowledge, or the best program ever written to be successful in getting healthy. With two very basic things, two elements that take absolutely ZERO skill or knowledge, you can have success:
Effort - a vigorous or determined attempt
Responsibility - the state or fact of being accountable or to blame for something
Some people will want to argue about this. I've seen claims that success isn't possible without the perfect diet, the perfect plan, without more hours in the day. They'll scream they need "motivation" and beg for others to hold them "accountable", but neither of these get it done. They can have all of the motivation and outside accountability they want, but if they can scapegoat their lack or progress on something, anything but themselves really, or decide it isn't worth the effort, they will still fail.
I have a deep rooted disdain for the "motivation" excuse. Some people want rainbows and unicorn farts, other people want boots to asses. We all have to do things we don't want to do, and we do them on the daily. There's no "rah-rah" squad for these times in life, but we seem to get things done anyway. Another reason I don't like "motivation" as a factor is a simple question, "How many hobbies have you picked up and quit when they became hard and required effort?" You take on a hobby because you're motivated, it's fun, and typically, very easy to start. And then it gets monotonous, progress slows, and it takes more time and effort...and you lose interest. Motivation is fleeting and only lasts until the next big "I want" comes up or you have to make a choice between something you want now or something you want for the long run. I personally love hearing "I'm motivated to lose weight, but I can't convince myself to go to the gym, take time to meal prep, or give up drinking heavily on weekends." Well, if you're motivated, then clearly, there's another problem. Motivation (and relying on others to motivate you) is what you do when you don't really want the goal. When we first take on fitness, the initial challenge can be fun and exciting. If we chose it, we're motivated and begin to do the things we need. The goal itself is the motivation. When it's no longer new, fun or interesting, when progress isn't what we hoped, or when we can't live our old enjoyable lifestyle, we will magically find reasons to not do it anymore. We will self-sabotage and claim we need "accountability" to keep us on track.
The problem with accountability, just like motivation, is that it takes away our power. We act as if we are no longer in control of our own thoughts, decisions, and actions while placing the blame somewhere else. We are willingly saying "I cannot make decisions and take action in my own life", placing others in positions of responsibility for us. What does accountability mean when you're an adult? Who are you accountable to? How is that person going to hold you accountable? Are they going to message you non-stop? Are they going to beat you with a stick? Are they going to shower you with empty and meaningless "motivation"? Are they going to move in with you and physically force you to do it? It's very hard to be held accountable when, as a free human, there is nothing they can do to you. Stop looking to somebody else to keep you accountable and stop using the excuse that you just weren't being held accountable. The only person to fault for your failures is the person with the power over you.
You are accountable to you. Accountability is in your picture frames and in your mirror. If you don't want to do it for yourself and for the people you love most, then it isn't important enough. This is called responsibility. When life gets hectic and when life events start to close in on you, responsibility is what keeps you on track. Yes, there are some events in life that take precedence over getting to the gym and eating clean meals every day, but to completely neglect our health for an extended period of time is inexcusable. Responsibility is what keeps us training when we don't want to, keeps us eating right when the ice cream is calling our name, and convinces us to stay up a little later or wake up a little earlier just to make sure it gets done. Responsibility doesn't look for, or accept, any excuses. It's the voice that screams "get it done." We form our sense of responsibility over time, from the moment our families give us tasks, we are learning to be responsible. Unfortunately, some didn't develop responsibility while they were children and they have to learn it later, when it is much harder. They have grown accustomed to things just coming to them or somebody doing it for them. Without learning responsibility, they will continue to look everywhere and to everybody else instead of to the person in control and just getting it done.
Along with responsibility, it takes effort. The amount of effort you apply is dictated by you and only you. A coach can put the weights on your back, cheer like a madman, and have all the faith in the world, but if you decide it's too much, you won't do it. A coach can provide perfect nutrition guidance and all the motivational tools, but you still have to apply the effort and follow-through. Making an effort to look for excuses is a waste. It takes a conscious effort to be successful and eat on plan, get training sessions in, take 7 minutes and crank out a bodyweight session when you can't make it. It is an effort to get up and get things accomplished, but only you are responsible for the amount of effort you put into being healthy. You choose what you do and when to do it. You can't choose the results from the effort you didn't put into it. Like most aspects of life, we don't have to be 100% to get a good result, but we can't expect 100% results with 50% effort.
As a coach, the hardest client to deal with is the one that doesn't give 100%. If the client isn't giving 100%, a coach can't make adjustments. The coach won't know what isn't working if the work plan and work isn't done first. Sometimes you are busting your ass, doing it right, and it still isn't working. This doesn't mean give up. It doesn't mean search for a quick fix. The positive part of this kind of failure is you gave 100% and if your coach is any good, they will be able to make adjustments to hopefully get things moving. As a coach, this "failure" now becomes mines and not yours. If you aren't working with a coach, it's time to change things up. Change the program, modify the diet, but make one change at a time. I always suggest one change because a) it's easier to change one thing than ten and b) if you change more than one thing, you don't know which change caused your progress. If you haven't been following a proven program based around a philosophy, choose something that matches your goal and (and this is the key) is something you actually want to do. It doesn't matter what program you choose; if you don't want to do it, if it isn't a program that seems "fun", and if it doesn't match your goal, you won't do it. The same thing goes for nutrition. If you're a junk food fiend, trying to go Paleo will result in miserable failure, so search for a philosophy that you can be happy with.
Effort - a vigorous or determined attempt
Responsibility - the state or fact of being accountable or to blame for something
Some people will want to argue about this. I've seen claims that success isn't possible without the perfect diet, the perfect plan, without more hours in the day. They'll scream they need "motivation" and beg for others to hold them "accountable", but neither of these get it done. They can have all of the motivation and outside accountability they want, but if they can scapegoat their lack or progress on something, anything but themselves really, or decide it isn't worth the effort, they will still fail.
I have a deep rooted disdain for the "motivation" excuse. Some people want rainbows and unicorn farts, other people want boots to asses. We all have to do things we don't want to do, and we do them on the daily. There's no "rah-rah" squad for these times in life, but we seem to get things done anyway. Another reason I don't like "motivation" as a factor is a simple question, "How many hobbies have you picked up and quit when they became hard and required effort?" You take on a hobby because you're motivated, it's fun, and typically, very easy to start. And then it gets monotonous, progress slows, and it takes more time and effort...and you lose interest. Motivation is fleeting and only lasts until the next big "I want" comes up or you have to make a choice between something you want now or something you want for the long run. I personally love hearing "I'm motivated to lose weight, but I can't convince myself to go to the gym, take time to meal prep, or give up drinking heavily on weekends." Well, if you're motivated, then clearly, there's another problem. Motivation (and relying on others to motivate you) is what you do when you don't really want the goal. When we first take on fitness, the initial challenge can be fun and exciting. If we chose it, we're motivated and begin to do the things we need. The goal itself is the motivation. When it's no longer new, fun or interesting, when progress isn't what we hoped, or when we can't live our old enjoyable lifestyle, we will magically find reasons to not do it anymore. We will self-sabotage and claim we need "accountability" to keep us on track.
The problem with accountability, just like motivation, is that it takes away our power. We act as if we are no longer in control of our own thoughts, decisions, and actions while placing the blame somewhere else. We are willingly saying "I cannot make decisions and take action in my own life", placing others in positions of responsibility for us. What does accountability mean when you're an adult? Who are you accountable to? How is that person going to hold you accountable? Are they going to message you non-stop? Are they going to beat you with a stick? Are they going to shower you with empty and meaningless "motivation"? Are they going to move in with you and physically force you to do it? It's very hard to be held accountable when, as a free human, there is nothing they can do to you. Stop looking to somebody else to keep you accountable and stop using the excuse that you just weren't being held accountable. The only person to fault for your failures is the person with the power over you.
You are accountable to you. Accountability is in your picture frames and in your mirror. If you don't want to do it for yourself and for the people you love most, then it isn't important enough. This is called responsibility. When life gets hectic and when life events start to close in on you, responsibility is what keeps you on track. Yes, there are some events in life that take precedence over getting to the gym and eating clean meals every day, but to completely neglect our health for an extended period of time is inexcusable. Responsibility is what keeps us training when we don't want to, keeps us eating right when the ice cream is calling our name, and convinces us to stay up a little later or wake up a little earlier just to make sure it gets done. Responsibility doesn't look for, or accept, any excuses. It's the voice that screams "get it done." We form our sense of responsibility over time, from the moment our families give us tasks, we are learning to be responsible. Unfortunately, some didn't develop responsibility while they were children and they have to learn it later, when it is much harder. They have grown accustomed to things just coming to them or somebody doing it for them. Without learning responsibility, they will continue to look everywhere and to everybody else instead of to the person in control and just getting it done.
Along with responsibility, it takes effort. The amount of effort you apply is dictated by you and only you. A coach can put the weights on your back, cheer like a madman, and have all the faith in the world, but if you decide it's too much, you won't do it. A coach can provide perfect nutrition guidance and all the motivational tools, but you still have to apply the effort and follow-through. Making an effort to look for excuses is a waste. It takes a conscious effort to be successful and eat on plan, get training sessions in, take 7 minutes and crank out a bodyweight session when you can't make it. It is an effort to get up and get things accomplished, but only you are responsible for the amount of effort you put into being healthy. You choose what you do and when to do it. You can't choose the results from the effort you didn't put into it. Like most aspects of life, we don't have to be 100% to get a good result, but we can't expect 100% results with 50% effort.
As a coach, the hardest client to deal with is the one that doesn't give 100%. If the client isn't giving 100%, a coach can't make adjustments. The coach won't know what isn't working if the work plan and work isn't done first. Sometimes you are busting your ass, doing it right, and it still isn't working. This doesn't mean give up. It doesn't mean search for a quick fix. The positive part of this kind of failure is you gave 100% and if your coach is any good, they will be able to make adjustments to hopefully get things moving. As a coach, this "failure" now becomes mines and not yours. If you aren't working with a coach, it's time to change things up. Change the program, modify the diet, but make one change at a time. I always suggest one change because a) it's easier to change one thing than ten and b) if you change more than one thing, you don't know which change caused your progress. If you haven't been following a proven program based around a philosophy, choose something that matches your goal and (and this is the key) is something you actually want to do. It doesn't matter what program you choose; if you don't want to do it, if it isn't a program that seems "fun", and if it doesn't match your goal, you won't do it. The same thing goes for nutrition. If you're a junk food fiend, trying to go Paleo will result in miserable failure, so search for a philosophy that you can be happy with.
Be A Coach!
This is in no way clearing every client as perfect or condemning every coach.
This has been written before, normally to the client, telling them how to be a good client. It's always something along the lines of "follow the plan" and "communicate" with a few other things tossed in. This time, I'm looking at the online coaches and personal trainers that always seem to think it's the fault of the client. (If you aren't a coach, keep reading anyway) Since we all assume our program will work when followed, we have to focus on communication as the reason for failure when a client follows the plan. Seriously, if the client follows the plan to the letter, as they interpret it, it should work. If they follow what they believe to be the directions, communication is the element between success and failure. Through proper communication, we can adapt and adjust to give them the best chance of success. Unfortunately, we all struggle with communicating effectively in the coach-client relationship at some point. When things aren't going well, the client feels like it's the coach that isn't doing what they're supposed to do. When the coach sees little progress or doesn't hear from the client for extended periods, the coach is left to blame the client. In the end, it doesn't matter where the communication fails, it only matters that the communication wasn't clear and one party isn't getting what they need to bring success to all.
I will only write this once... if either the client contact you or you contact the client, there are very few reasons that a response should take more than 24 hours. Even a simple acknowledgement is better than radio silence. Some clients (and coaches) want under 12 hour response times, some set the deadline at 24 hours, but it must be equal on both sides. If you wait 23 days to respond, you can not expect your coach to reply immediately.
No matter how many clients a coach has served, each client is different. Each client has different needs and learns differently. [If you have an education background, this should sound familiar] Some clients can envision a movement and make their body do it. Some clients can mimic the movements in video. Some can interpret the words, watch the video, and have no success. [Sorry to say it, but if you're this last one, an online coach most likely won't work for you, so don't get pissy when you don't get the results you imagine] Some know basic training schemes and jargon and others need fully detailed examples. As a trainer, it can be difficult to know what your client needs. This is where your ability to communicate is the most important. It's your ability to draw out the needs of your client and provide enough information to avoid getting messages like:
"I don't know what this means."
"What is ____________ exercise?"
"How much weight should I use?"
"This makes no sense."
"What is ____________ exercise?"
"How much weight should I use?"
"This makes no sense."
From experience, getting these types of messages means YOU ARE LETTING YOUR CLIENT DOWN. Don't try to twist it. Don't try to respond with "they're clueless." It isn't their job to know what you mean; it's your job as the coach to meet their needs. Some clients are "needy" because they really don't know...but they will learn if you take the time. Some are "needy" and don't want to learn; they want to be told what to do instead of adding another task to their already exhausting day. Others need almost nothing and can do it perfectly. Whatever their level, you are the paid professional. If you aren't willing to do the work, be honest and tell the client that you aren't the coach for them. If you're going to pawn them off on your assistant, say that up front; that you are the face that attracts them before handing them off to somebody else. Don't take their money and make them feel like they are a pain in your ass or deceive them; there's enough of that going on in this industry as it is. And when they hit you with a request or you can tell they aren't doing what you mean, go back and explain it to them.
But this would be nothing more than a lecture if I didn't give you some advice [and if you are the client, you can use this to help your trainer] about how to head-off some troubles.
- Respond in a timely manner and explain that you aren't always able to respond right away, but will respond ASAP... and mean it.
- Link videos demonstrating proper technique for any exercise. Leaving your client to find their own could result in something really bad.
- Thoroughly explain the programming: warm-ups, sets, reps, rest periods, etc. If the program doesn't prescribe weight, explain what it should feel like and explain when to go heavier or lighter.
- Back Squat - Warm-up: sets of 5 building up to 275 [45,135,185,225,250] - rest 60-90 seconds between sets
Work Sets: 3 sets of 5 reps @ 275 - rest 90 seconds between sets - Complete the following Giant Set by completing 1 set of 1A, moving immediately with no rest to 1B, and moving immediately with no rest to 1C. After completing 1C, rest 2 minutes and repeat. Complete the Giant Set 5 times.
1A - Barbell Squat - 5 reps at 275
1B - Underhand Grip Chin-Up - as many as you can get
1C - Push-Up - as many as you can - You have 7 minutes to complete as many rounds of the following circuit.
1 round consists of:
5 overhead med ball slams
5 push-ups
5 crunches
5 tuck-jumps
You can rest as needed between exercises and rounds. The goal is to complete 7 full rounds in 7 minutes. If you do not complete all 7, you should finish all 7 plus plus 2 additional rounds.
If you use super or giant sets, write out what one round would look like, including the rests.
If you use timed rounds, explain the goal.
Of course this isn't a cure-all and there will always be other problems. If you happen to be a client, there are a few things that you can say that will leave even the best trainer scratching their head or needing to ask you more questions.
"How is this different than other programs?"
"What do you do that my other trainers didn't?"
"I need more motivation."
"I need more accountability."
"What do you do that my other trainers didn't?"
"I need more motivation."
"I need more accountability."
In all honesty, these are some of the least helpful messages I have ever received. Just like the client needs detail and explanation, we need more than vague questions and statements. If you want to compare programs and coaches, we need to know what your other programs or coaches were like. If you need motivation or accountability, what kind of things work for you? Again, each client is different, so what motivates me could be the off switch for you. Being constantly checked in on could make you function better, or it could lead to revolt from feeling smothered. It is you, the client, that needs to help your coach find out what you need.
Remember, YOU pay the coach to help you, so whether you feel like a pain or not, COMMUNICATE whenever you need something, have a question, or can tell something isn't clicking. I will never know as a coach that you need different motivation or a different accountability measure if you don't tell me the current scheme isn't getting it done. I will never know if you hate or enjoy the program if you don't let me know... don't wait for your frustration to boil over, communicate immediately.
And if you're the coach, be the professional and act like it. Contact your clients. Check in. Ask questions. Lead your client to success, don't make them lead you to coaching them.
Sorry, Insomnia, You Aren't Winning Tonight
1 AM - drift off
2 AM - blink blink
Turn on tv to boring infomercial
2:30 AM - drift back off
3 AM - blink blink
Rollover
4 AM - drift back off, annoyed at another night of broken sleep
5:30 AM - blink sigh
Give up and just get up.
2 AM - blink blink
Turn on tv to boring infomercial
2:30 AM - drift back off
3 AM - blink blink
Rollover
4 AM - drift back off, annoyed at another night of broken sleep
5:30 AM - blink sigh
Give up and just get up.
Another night without sleep, leading into another exhausting day. If you're one of the millions of insomnia sufferers, you know this pattern all too well. And it's miserable on so many levels. It leaves you tired, hungry and with hormones all out of whack among other things. We've seen all the studies saying we need 6-10 hours of sleep per night. We've seen studies that uninterrupted sleep is important, even if shorter, and possibly more effective than a bunch of sleep fragments adding up to longer sleep time. This leaves the insomnia attacked with a simple quest to minimize the nightmare of not being able to sleep long enough to have nightmares.
Science still can't explain why it happens or even give you a cure all because not everybody's insomnia is caused by the same thing. Some people have an active mind that keeps them up. Some people fall into a doom and gloom scenario in their head which won't let them sleep. Some of us have chronic nightmares since we were kids. Unfortunately, it isn't a one size describes all disease.
Most other people I know that suffer from insomnia have tried the standard tricks to beat it. For over 20 years, I've tried various "cures" only to have them not work at all or work for about two weeks before becoming completely ineffective again. Just a brief list of things I have tried:
- Reduce Stress - this was funny... it's life, there is always stress
- 478 Breathing - 4 seconds in, 7 seconds held, 8 seconds out... felt more like going unconscious than relaxing into sleep
- Melatonin - it's a "drug" and was absolutely just a waste of money
- Sleep Aids - non-prescription ones that said take no more than 2... 4 doses later I was still staring
- Turning off the TV / Kindle / Cell Phone - it's amazing how loud your house is when there's no noise to buffer it
- Getting in Bed Earlier - ha!
- Yoga - ha ha! All this did for me was get me sweaty.
- Meditation - got nothing except frustrated trying to clear my running mind.
- No Caffeine after Noon - can we say ANGRY
- No alcohol late at night - don't drink much anyway
- Train Earlier in the Day - how about days off at a time and still nothing
- No Heavy Eating within 3 Hours of Bedtime - no problem, but didn't do anything
- No Napping - I'm an adult with a job, when do I really get a nap
- Cool Bedroom - did it
- Get Out of Bed When I Can't Sleep - now I'm really awake...great!
- Chamomile and Valerian Tea - let's go to the bathroom in the middle of the night...
After years of this, I went back to my theory on getting better scores in school that had previously worked for me; stop giving a shit and stop trying. The more frustrated I got with not sleeping, the stronger the monster got. I had finally given up with the tips and tricks and occupied myself with other things, blog posts, recipe creation, programming, etc. And that's when I finally slept mostly through a night (I call asleep by 11 pm and awake at 6:30 am with no wake-ups a win) and almost to when I wanted to get up. I didn't think about beating the insomnia like I had so many nights before. It got me to thinking, if I was trying to do something, maybe I was subconsciously activating the insomnia to keep me up and wake me up. By not even acknowledging it and making my mind active with other thoughts, the viscious little monster couldn't distract my sleep. So the next night, I didn't think about when I had to get up or do anything to force myself to bed; no pills, drinks, binaural beats at all. I made sure I had "busy work" from the time I woke up until the time I finally fell asleep. And wouldn't you know, two nights in a row.
I'm here writing this on over 8 hours of restful sleep, three weeks since my last attack of insomnia and this is honestly the first time I have allowed myself to think about it since then. I'm afraid to jinx it, but I wanted to write about it because I know others that suffer. Perhaps it's time to try just ignoring that it happens to you; don't fight it, drug it, think about it, just go about your day (tonight is a good time to try this since it's Friday) and just do whatever you can to keep your mind occupied on other things until you finally fall asleep. It may not work in one night, so try it a few in a row. The mind is mysterious and who knows, thinking about insomnia may activate a chemical that time delays you into staying awake. Maybe, just maybe, if we can keep from thinking about it, getting frustrated by it, or fighting it, we can find ways to beat it.
And by all means, if you have any tips that have worked for you, let me know because at some point, I know this won't work anymore.
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