The Problem with Mistakes

It isn't what you think. The mistake is not the problem. Mistakes are made every day. We all screw up at some point. Some of us, multiple times a day. Some are so minor, they aren't noticed and others are so large, they can't be missed. I'm almost 39 and I couldn't even guess at how many thousands of mistakes I've made in my life. Some mistakes are angering, some are depressing, and others, we don't even recognize. In training, our mistakes affect us mentally and physically, and after too many mistakes we get frustrated and quit. The problem with mistakes isn't the mistake, it's not learning from the mistake.
There are only three types of mistakes: the mistake you know, the mistake you don't know, and the mistake you refuse to admit. If you know you're making a mistake you have two choices: learn from it and avoid it in the future or deny it and live in insanity. If you don't know, you have one choice, learn why it is a mistake.

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. - Einstein

We've all seen the quote from Einstein and most of us don't ever relate it to a mistake we keep making. I saw a little video the other day and it really ties into this entire post. I recommend you take the 40 seconds to watch it. We will complain about the same problem, the same temptation, the same mistake we make and never change. Instead of taking the opportunity to learn why we make the same mistake over and over again and attempting to solve the underlying issue, we complain, look for support and let it slip our mind only to continue and make the same mistake again.
If you're saying these more than a few times in a year, you're pushing on the insanity button:

• "I was doing great with my diet until [the weekend, I had a few drinks, the office party, etc]."
• "I fell off the wagon...again"
• "I'm training so hard and the [scale, tape, my clothes] is/are going the wrong way."
• "I keep cheating on my diet."
• "I just can't be consistent with my training."
• "I want to [insert goal] but everything always goes against me."

...
and there are a bunch more that are used to defend or justify not being successful.

And somewhere after one of these excuses comes the tidal wave of supporting "rah-rah" unicorn farts crushing the reality that it's possible to learn to not make the same mistake for the 28th time. I could join in with everybody and offer worthless, shallow support and empty words of encouragement, but in my experience, the "support" is more of a hinderance than a help. It doesn't help the person to stand or lead them to analyze their mistake; it placates them. The support convinces them that the mistake is a one time slip-up and that there's nothing that could be done and that it's completely normal to make the mistake...despite making it for the 27th time.
After some time, the "rah-rah" supporters fade because they're just sick and tired of hearing the same "woe is me" or angry post and never seeing a change. They get sick of putting time into helping, supporting, and offering advice only to watch the exact same thing occur. Eventually, there are no more people to offer support and coddling after mistakes. When this happens, people buy into the magic bullet cures so they can scapegoat their failure somewhere else, give up and quit out of frustration, or they finally grow up enough to accept it is their mistake and they have the ability to change it.
Hopefully, you're not in denial and you recognize your own mistakes or you at least accept that you are making a mistake when somebody with expertise points it out. After we accept that we have made a mistake, we have to deal with the emotional fallout, the anger, and the disappointment. This is where I see so many people get hung up and miss the opportunity to learn. I blame the inability to control the emotion on a missing coping skill. With all the talk of "safe spaces" and "freedom from being offended" coping skills are shrinking. If coping doesn't happen and the emotional toll of making a mistake isn't handled, there is no real reflection and analysis into the mistake, and no progress towards tackling the cause. If we learn to step back and learn the triggers that cause the mistake, we can learn to not be so insane.
As I mentioned, I've made thousands of mistakes. Had there been a list of mistakes to avoid in fitness, I might have missed some mistakes that "wasted" time, but chances are, I wouldn't have understood what they meant in the first place, especially as a newer lifter. The most important part in making the mistake is that we pay attention and try to figure out how to not make the same mistake. As one of my coaches said, "it isn't the making of a mistake that pisses me off, it's the making of the same mistake." Nobody likes reflecting on their mistakes and failures. It brings out the worst feelings, but it's necessary, and over time, the feeling fades but the lesson is still available. Even if it isn't our mistake, we can learn from other people's mistakes if we just open our eyes and pay attention to others chasing the same goals. And if you are the one making the mistake don't make it into a problem by failing to learn from it.

Take Aways:

• Stop blaming everything and everybody else. Denial of your role only makes you powerless to change.
• Mistakes happen. See them for what they are, opportunities to learn about yourself and learn better ways.
• Analyze the mistake. How did it effect me? What triggered the mistake? What can I do to avoid the same trigger?
• Stop leaning on empty support and learn to support yourself instead of just moving on.