Handling Failure

We all have bad training or nutrition days. As Dan John said, "Of five workouts, one will be great, one will suck, and three will be right in the middle." How we react to them can be the difference between progress, standing still, or going backward. I've previously talked about confidence being part of the solution and false-confidence being part of the problem, but this goes beyond that. We can be well within our confidence range and have everything go wrong. Even the most confident of us can go into a little tailspin as a result. Today was that day for me and inspired me to write about the process I go through.

With my experience as an athlete and in training, I have seen my share of bad days, whether it's missed sessions, missed reps, or just flat out misses. I've had perfect plans, prepped to the plan, and still seen failure. There are really only a few paths that can be taken after a really bad day, and which ones your choose can make all the difference. It may seem like this only applies to training, but I can assure you, it also applies to nutrition and dieting. Think of the days or weekends where you take an unscheduled detour from your nutrition plan. It happens, even to the most diligent tracker; you go out to eat, there's a family gathering, you forgot your meals. You can ignore what happened, evaluate and continue, evaluate and adjust, let it get you down and blame everything, or let it get you down and quit. In any case, our suggestion will always be the same; don't beat yourself up over it and don't try to compensate without taking the time to think it through. We prefer that, just like training, you acknowledge and evaluate what happened.

Yes, you can completely ignore your failures and possibly have the same avoidable slip-up happen. Or, you can take a few seconds and evaluate what happened, why it happened and decide it's 100% OK. I'm not advocating perfection, but I am promoting self-awareness. Whether you want to be strict, choose to allow detours, or decide it's too much at the moment is up to you, but you have to be aware of what is happening and why before you can make a conscious decision.

• Ignore that it happened. Basically just shake it off, think nothing of it and continue. This is the same as putting on blinders where somebody else loads the bar for you; ignorance is bliss. Having that short-term memory loss is great when you're still in the training session or competition, but  that's it. If you are ignoring how a training session went, it's probably one of the reasons you're experiencing failures or stalling. In order to improve and not plateau or regress, it is important to have an understanding of why the day was bad and what caused it. This means taking off the blinders and being actively involved in improving. For me, this is an in-session only option, and even then, it is rare.
• Evaluate the plan and the failure. If my workout was less than great, I will end up here at some point. Sometimes it comes after the self-loathing, anger, and disappointment, but in the end I always come back to evaluating. Once I have the chance to relax and look at the plan, the failure, and the circumstances, I have one of two paths. 
• Decide it is viable and continue. This is where logs are great and can really help open your eyes to the progress. When something goes wrong, like the reps are slower than they should be or I barely miss a lift, I look at the events that led up to the training session. Did I sleep well? Did I not eat enough? Did I burn out a supporting muscle group the day before? Have I seen improvements in ANY part of my training? Will a deload help? If any of those is a yes, chances are, it isn't the plan and I continue on knowing that the plan will be a success.
• Decide it won't work and make adjustments. This is a hard one because you have to honestly know your capabilities and use them to evaluate the plan. Could you have made the weight, even on a near-perfect day? Are you going to have "better" days where you are more rested, prepared and can complete the training as written? Am I stalling in other places? Can a deload fix it? If the answer is "No" or "Probably not", then something needs to be adjusted. Constantly having failures in your training is draining, both mentally and physically, and will most likely lead to stalling or backsliding. There is no shame in admitting the time isn't right to run a program or the intensity is too great and needing to back it down. Sometimes the best progress comes from taking a step back so you can get momentum.
• Feel disheartened, blame yourself, the program, or the trainer. Every now and again, all the stress catches up and I end up here briefly. It's common to get frustrated when things are going well and then a bad failure happens. In this state, there are three paths.
• Acknowledge that this isn't helping and take a step back and return to evaluating instead of living in woe-is-me.
• Program / trainer hop. I see this most commonly with newer trainees. When you haven't experienced success following a failure, it is a huge challenge to overcome. You question the program, the trainer, and you might even believe the grass is greener. Even when you have had positive experiences, it can be a challenge to slow the thoughts down and rationally evaluate after an ego-crushing failure. This goes back to having confidence. The self-confidence to know it isn't the end of the world and that if you can just pull it together and take the deep breath, you'll be able to step back and return to evaluating. Sometimes the answer is change programs, but you won't know if you don't go back and evaluate.
• Quit. We're not even going here because this is not an option. At this point it doesn't matter who takes the blame, there can be no progress when you quit.

We all have less than perfect days and how we handle them will dictate our level of success. The only sure way to find success is to evaluate honestly and choose the right path. Many people turn to external motivation and communities to keep them going, but when the details are ignored, the result may be akin to banging your head on the same wall. Take a moment, acknowledge, evaluate, and decide...and get back to making progress.

Are You Confident or Just Convincing Yourself You Are?

Confidence - A feeling of self-assurance arising from one's appreciation of one's own abilities or qualities

There is a thin line between displaying false confidence to cover insecurities and demonstrating confidence. More often than not, if it is loud and boisterous it is because of the former. Confidence will get you through challenging situations; false confidence can help you tackle new challenges or it might put you in an even worse predicament. Progress comes from a delicate balance of faked and real confidence. Unless you don't have any social media, you were bound to see the Ronda Rousey / Bethe Correia meme with Correia screaming in the face of Rousey at weigh-ins. As many pointed out, "Confidence is silent. Insecurities are loud." Rousey was confident in her abilities and proceeded to finish the "fight" in 34 seconds.

As an athlete and a coach, I have witnessed confidence in action and the false confidence train wreck. I've been on both sides as a player and as a coach. Now as a Personal Trainer, I see it on a daily basis. It's easy to fall into the trap; it's all over Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Tumblr, and other social networks with a fitness twist. There's a verbal diarrhea of words, Ronnie Coleman and CT Fletcher sayings, and Fitspo meant to pump you up. If you have no idea what I'm talking about, it won't be hard to find examples. You're going to go "Beastmode" on the meal prep, "HAM" on the squats, be a "monster" on the bench, and train like an "animal." While things are going well or you're just training to get better, these sayings may be great, keeping you going and pushing you to focus even harder on your journey. And there is nothing wrong with using a little talk to create motivation. However, when you rely on the false confidence and never back it up with accomplishment and experience, disaster is only a stumble away.

Some of you that use these terms and sayings think I'm just being melodramatic or "hating" on you, but let me run you through a scenario I see on Fitocracy at least three times each week.
You're new to training and eating healthy and you're pumped! You want to emulate all the people that have inspired you, so you buy all the Tupperware, the scale, gym bag, wraps, straps, belt, and sleeves and you're ready to go. You start with the talk, the tagging because that's what you're surrounded by. The "confidence" grows bigger just by talking, but it hasn't even been a week. You start the program and you're on point for the first week or two, maybe even a month. And then, you get punched in the mouth by something, whether it's a "cheat weekend", a holiday, or your first injury. As Mike Tyson said, "Everybody has a plan until they get punched in the mouth." Now you're reeling, you don't know what to do because you've never been knocked down on this journey and all that "confidence" you built by talking big is shaken. You're embarrassed because you look bad. All the big talk and the pumping up is now spiraling the other way. You're caught in the flood of negativity and harsh self-judgment and you don't know if you can get back on the horse.

The only thing that could help is falling back on your experience overcoming obstacles, but do you really have the experience to fall on? Have you done this long enough to recover from this challenge? What happens if you don't have the experience behind the boasts? What if you are a beginner? What if it was all hot air?

You can fall back on your friends and the community support to re-inflate your confidence. You can watch some inspirational videos and stare at some fitspo to help you forget the failure. You can attempt to pump yourself back up with those same terms that let you down before. You have a few options, but in the end, it all comes back to you and your mental toughness. Whether you are a beginner or you have some experience, you need to earn your confidence through more experience. If you always rely on the confidence you haven't earned, it will let you down. Just like if you get it stuck in your mind that you will fail, you are bound to fail. You need to have a foundation and balance.

Because of my experience always being the smallest person in my lifting group, I spent a lot of time watching, learning, and listening. The experience developed some basic tenets that have helped me continue to make progress even after reality pointed out I wasn't an "animal" going "beastmode."

1. Be confident, but be humble. Much like the true alpha, a truly confident person does not need to have loud talk; they're actions will speak volumes.
2. If you use false confidence to build yourself up, be sure to back it up so you can turn the experience into real confidence. It might not be today or tomorrow, but it has to happen.
3. Acknowledge your successes and failures and then build off of them. See failure as an opportunity to have a new success. See success as a stepping stone to greater success.
4. Know your strengths and weaknesses and be wise enough to ask for help when you are having a moment of weakness.
5. Be realistic about your progress and your next step. Getting cocky can lead to bad choices and more setbacks. Don't mistake luck for accomplishment.

It's easy to get caught in the moment and want to join in with the crowd, emulating what we see everywhere, but none of us wants to be the 34-second knockout. We're all bound to trip up and get smacked in the face by a reality punch every now and then. How we prepare for the punch and how we react after can be the difference between success and failure. If you work hard, stay humbly confident, and replace your false confidence with the confidence earned through experience you can be successful in changing your life.

The Lunchbox

It isn't often that watching a 15 minute speech given by a strongman / powerlifter can inspire me in more than lifting. Similarly, it rarely happens that I tell people they need to go and watch the same presentation because of how powerful the message is about our lives. About a month ago, it happened, the rare message that made me think about training, nutrition, and life from a different viewpoint.

"Fill your lunchbox with something you love" - Clint Darden

If you haven't seen Clint Darden's presentations from the PLEXP2, you need to take 15 minutes and watch it (here's the youtube). I truly believe his 15-minute presentation could be the best 15 minutes you spend on the internet this week.

I could make this all about my lunchbox, but you really aren't here to hear me tell you about life. You're here because we have one big thing in common. Fitness.

Your fitness plan shouldn't be worse for you than being un-fit

How many times have you heard somebody talk about their new "diet" or their training program and it sounds like it's so miserable that even they don't enjoy it?  I seem to come across this at least once a week where somebody wants to make a change for the better proceeds to make radical changes which are so different than what they're used to they have no choice but to be miserable.  Creating a newer, healthier lifestyle doesn't have to happen all at once and it doesn't have to be monotonous and miserable.  In fact, we're far more likely to stick with the changes if they aren't boring and miserable. AND THIS IS THE KEY; find a plan you enjoy and you can stick with.
Why? Because we are learning more every day about how the mind can be the most powerful force in our routine. From the placebo effect all the way to general well-being, our mind has control and when we don't enjoy something, everything else seems to go downhill.

For example, I spoke with a lady the other day that was convinced she needed to give up her long runs and do HIIT training in order to burn fat.   While HIIT is effective, eliminating long runs had several negative effects for her.  By completely taking away something she loved and replacing it with something she didn't, it was mentally draining.  Instead of becoming healthier, her diet went astray, she became disenthused, and began missing sessions. The "all in" mentality she had with distance running was gone and replaced with an "eh." While the HIIT may be good for her, taking away everything she enjoyed was not.

The same applies to diets. Making massive changes to your eating style or your diet is likely to lead to non-compliance. Eliminating foods in one cold-turkey move can lead to cravings and for some people, sleep-eating. Changing your meal timing can have a similar effect. Any time you change how you eat, you expect changes in hunger, changes in energy, and moments of weakness. While most diet books and plans can tell you how to eat once you're on their plan, very few give you ideas about how to transition into the new style.

It's about loving what you're doing

So, if you want this journey to be fruitful and last you deep into old age, look back to Clint Darden's presentation and its relevance to health and fitness -- we all want to be the best we can be and while we should be "all in," "be the tortoise," transition slowly, and keep a little something you love in your lunchbox.