I admit, I used to laugh at the idea of the “New Year’s Resolution” because 99% of them weren't going to make it because they were quitters, lazy, or any other stereotype you can think of. As I spent more years in the gym, I learned that nothing was further from the truth and that them making the permanent changes has very little to do with motivation and more to do with a supportive, educational, and fun environment. Everybody wants to feel better and be healthy, to not be embarrassed to put on tight clothes and not frustrated trying to find clothes when they go shopping. (Even I struggle to find clothes that fit) The same person that appears “resistant” to getting healthy could just be a person that is overwhelmed, intimidated, and sometimes ignorant as to where to begin. With the internet so plentiful of information, the gym filled with “brofessors” and magazines covered with “fitsporational” people, a new person that has never done anything health related goes into information overload and can feel totally embarrassed. As my friends put it, “paralysis by analysis”stops the effort, makes them feel like they will never reach the goal, and ultimately leads them down the path to failure. They don’t have to go down that path, just like you didn’t go down that path.
Remember back when you first walked into a gym on your own, not because it was a school class or because your coach forced you to train, but because you wanted to do it for you? Was it easy? Were you nervous? Did you have all the answers? Did you feel lost because there was too much information, too much stimuli with the big lifters, the fast lifters, the trainers? Or were you just another new person trying to figure things out, getting in the way, and making mistakes because you had no idea? I'm willing to bet you started training like most of us, not knowing shit and either too confident to admit you don't know or too ignorant to know you don't know.
Next time you're in, look over at the heavy guy walking on the treadmill. His doctor tells him he needs to workout. The talk shows, the daily news, and even his entire family tells him the same thing. This guy joins the gym under peer pressure and doesn’t “have a clue” about how to get in shape. He doesn’t have a friend to guide him, teach him the lifts, or proper training. He sees Dr. Oz, the magic "wraps" and miracle "cleanses", the Shakeology and the other overpriced proteins that promise amazing results. He doesn’t want to pay for a trainer that’s already fit because “they could never understand what it’s like” and admittedly, most trainers don’t know because they have never been heavy or struggled to workout and eat right. Think he's going to last on his own? He's likely to quit. I think his perseverance comes down to something simple, something that the “dedicated” people were lucky to find when they started. Help and camaraderie.
Do you think it’s just the big guy or lady? What about the skinny kid that comes in with ego oozing all over the place with his shaker of colored water and his 17 packs of the latest pills and four protein shakes? He drinks the kool-aid that all the muscle magazines and youtube warriors tell him. He sees the drugs and the routine that Phil Heath used the last three weeks before the Olympia, and hey, if you do it too and take the supplements, you too can get big and ripped. They all forget you have to start somewhere and make steady progress. They all make you believe it takes 21 days, 20 minutes per day, and no weight at all. They ignore that you have to learn about nutrition, learn about training, and then train hard, get your sleep and take the time to recover. Instead of having a helping hand, they look for the shortcut and quit when they can’t find it or worse, they turn to the hard stuff and destroy themselves from the inside out.
How about the shy girl that puts in her headphones and never leaves the cardio section? She heard that doing slow cardio for hours on end will make her super sexy and that weights will bulk her up like a man. She’s watching Dr. Oz and hearing about all these get thin quick diets and magic pills, but doesn’t know that there are better ways then slowly destroying her metabolism from not eating to create the fit body she desires and not the “skinny-fat” body she sees from all the cardio-bunnies. She doesn't realize you need muscle to have muscle tone. She sees the infomercials and hears the information, but doesn’t want to believe it because that’s not what her peers are saying she needs to do. She’s surrounded by ignorance and drowning in the pool.
We all know them, have seen them, or were one of them. Every single “new” person to the gym that joins for a resolution, or for beach season, or a cruise, etc. has made enough of a step that the experienced people owe it to them to be welcoming and helpful because you were there once too. I hear what you’re saying; they’re in your way, on your machine, using your bench, and just going to quit anyway. And I suppose the monster that is doing sets of 10 with your max is in your way as well? Are you planning to bitch like a little schoolgirl about him as well? Didn't think so! If somebody told you to quit chasing your goal all the time because you were in the way, you'd still be in your crib sucking your thumb. Maybe you can be the reason they don’t quit. Maybe you can feel good about yourself and help somebody along the way. Trust me, there is nothing better than seeing a success story because of something you did.
If you’re an experienced lifter there are some very simple things you can do to make the new person more likely to stay and even help them make progress.
- Accept the fact that you are not better than them because you’ve been doing it longer, you lift more, you’re fit, or you have lifting buddies. Let me give you a little eye-opener; unless you are the best in the world, have the all-time world record, or are the current #1 in the world, there is somebody better than you. Even if you are that good, you don’t have the right to be the #1 jackass to the people that are just trying to learn. Last I checked, you weren’t born #1, you had to work, ask, and get help from people that probably wanted very little to do with you because you were in their way. If they’re on a piece of equipment you “want to use”, ask to work in, and then, make sure they know it isn't an inconvenience to change the weights, because that's what good lifters do ALL THE TIME.
- If they’re doing the same lifts, ask if they want to train with you, and then actually train with them with the understanding it will be slower and you'll have to change weights and you might have to teach. When I was learning, I was lucky to have a group of guys that asked if I wanted to train with them and then helped me learn correct form and how to be safe and didn’t care about stripping and reloading the bar. You’re in the gym anyway, will it kill you to unload and reload the bar? Didn’t think so.
- Don’t be the douchebag that asks how many more sets and sits there and stares and makes jackass comments. And if you’re on the equipment, and the new guy is staring, he’s not just staring, he’s trying to learn. Remember in school, you stared a lot to see what was happening? You learned by being a mimic. Same thing in the gym, except now you’re the teacher. Notice I also said you “want to use” because you don’t “need to use” it because YOU are the experienced lifter, which means you can adapt and adjust, or are you just as ignorant as the new guy? When you’re working in, remember their weight, their machine settings, etc. It takes three seconds and sometimes that simple gesture is enough to give them a connection to someone in the gym that may keep them coming back. Don’t expect them to remember yours, but you can show them how it’s done by setting the example. Eventually, they will catch on without you being a dick.
- Don’t be captain asshole if you see them doing something “wrong” in your eyes. They don’t know any better, so try asking if they need help with the apparatus or with the lift. Some people just don’t know and others don’t know what their body is doing. Trust me, 10 years as a Division I coach and I still see kids that don’t know how they are moving. The exception to that rule is if they stand a chance of catastrophic injury. Only a true asshole will let someone get hurt, and if you’re that guy in the gym, get out! Approaching somebody that might get hurt is hard, but if you know what they are trying to do and you can prevent them from injury, do it. This includes offering a spot when they grab a weight they might struggle with, they have a machine set wrong, or their form is just atrocious. I’ve found asking what they’re working on or watching them for a few sets before asking if I can offer advice helps them accept the advice. And 5 minutes out of my workout to help you be better is worth it.
This is the main point, give them the benefit of the doubt. Whether you learned to train like I did, with a group of great guys that took the time and made the effort to help, or if you had to learn the hard way on your own, be that person that helps the new, timid person and pass on your knowledge. Give them a chance to be successful, a familiar face in the gym, and a chance to accomplish something that so many people fail at because there is no support. We can all learn from everybody, even the new person might know something you never knew or see something you were too cocky to realize. So, as we continue into the new year, try to be the person that gives lifters a good name, not the asshole that makes Planet Fitness commercials real. Stop stroking your ego’s, being anti-social, or being an elitist. Teach somebody, make them better, and learn from everybody. Everybody started somewhere, time to remember where you started and pass on the knowledge to get them to where you are.
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