After posting "The Three Questions" I was met with another question and one that has quite frankly, taken me a long time to answer. How do you find your Point A based on the perceived or desired goal?
You'd think this is a simple question but it is quite challenging given my background in sports and around high-level competitive athletes. I've been fortunate to see some of the "best in the world" in various sports in person and as a result, my first instinct is to measure Point A without any consideration for the perceived Point B. It doesn't matter the Point B because Point A will always be Point A. As a trainer, it is much the same with an honest assessment coming before entertaining any training / weight loss goals.
So let me step back and look at this from the less experienced position.
First, let me address finding Point A, regardless of whether you have a Point B or not. Point A will always be Point A, no matter what Point B you pick. It isn't like the level you're at changes based on your Point B. Your Point A is where you are right now, for any skill, task, performance, etc. Point A can be hard enough to identify, but thinking it changes based on what Point B you choose it flawed. Frankly, we are living in a world where honestly assessing our own level is nearly impossible anymore. From the time we are kids, at the first sign of being anything but the best, parents intervene, switch leagues, sports, coaches, etc. They choose a place that allows us to feel better or seem better than we are, even in school, using watered down designations of "honors" or "advanced" to make us smarter. We've developed a skewed sense of ability by providing trophies to losers, awards for non-accomplishment, attaboys for ho-hum performance, and celebrations just for showing up. Hell, we hand out mints and pep-talks for misbehavior in school. We do it in the name of fairness, self-confidence, and feeling good about ourselves. We've attempted to suck the pain (and learning experiences) out of life and in the process muddled our ability to objectively assess our own level. Beyond competition, this disease permeates our social media, where truth tellers are deemed haters and naysayers. We're berated for being mean, cruel, and heartless. We're called negative because we won't lie to your face...or your screen, just to make you feel better. We express our opinion, sometimes bluntly, because it's better to leave no way to interpret than some of the sugar-coating that goes on. And when your self-esteem is punched in the face, we get blamed. (Funny thing, self-esteem. We always say it is crushed by others, but it is SELF-esteem and fully under our control, not OTHER-esteem.)
If you want to know where you really are, don't trust your "friends" unless they have a history of telling it how it is. Don't trust anybody that only gives you positive information because chances are, they can't give you an honest Point A. Don't trust people that haven't been around others that have accomplished what you want to do or researched what it takes to get there because they won't know Point B. As scary as it is to say, sometimes you have to trust that big mean anonymous internet or ask people that don't really know you. And don't just hear the answer, LISTEN to it, regardless of how mean it feels at the moment.
Sometimes what you're doing just sucks and blowing sunshine up your tail doesn't make you better, just more likely to fail. That doesn't mean give up; it means you may have to adjust your goals. Or you can be stubborn, try to prove everybody wrong, and gloat like hell when you pull it off... or swallow all your complaints when you don't.
Back to finding your own Point A - compare yourself against the people that are out there. Not just your family or friends, but the people on TV, the people on the internet, the people in your gym, etc. Yes, I am saying to compare yourself because if you don't compare yourself, how the hell can you know where you really stand? If you don't really want to know, then you probably aren't reading this in the first place. Not comparing yourself to others and expecting to honestly know where you are is like trying to cross an LA highway with your eyes closed.
Take bodybuilders, and I believe Paul Carter talked about this in one of his articles. The amateur looks in a mirror and believes he only has to lose about 10 pounds to be competitive when the reality is they don't have near the muscle mass, conditioning, or body composition as the person they are comparing to. In reality, instead of 10 pounds, it is more like 20-30 pounds, and even then, they won't look like a bodybuilder because they lack muscle and size now. This is the harsh reality of Point A.
Many of us see things we want to do or feats we want to accomplish every day and set our Point B without once considering where we are. We're hesitant to admit it may be out of reach because of where we really are, so we go after Point B. We put our energy into chasing Point B; we invest time and money, and we develop an attachment to it. The longer we pursue Point B, the harder it is to give it up. Instead of considering that our perceived Point A is what let us down, we blame everything else and look for "the secret." Because we know that Point B is possible for some people, we also believe it is for us, even when there are glaring differences between us and the people that accomplish Point B. It is in our nature not to accept our true Point A. And then we become belligerent and in denial when others point out our fallacious thinking.
If you're the one chasing a Point B, listen to those people that you trust, look to the people that have been there, and honestly evaluate yourself. It might not be what you want to hear, but chances are, it's what you need to hear.
If you're the one offering your opinion of somebody else's Point A, be honest, be direct, tell them where they are, and above all else, remember they are a person and not all people can handle blunt honest truth.
